Vanamali

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meenas17
Posts: 609
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Vanamali

#1 Post by meenas17 » 06 Jul 2018, 20:10

one in the eighties
recalcitrant and established,
overturns the ones
husband, in laws, children
whoever comes her way
reasonably unreasonable
unscrupulous. Impacts delirium.

Vanamali wants to preside
chooses to impose, seeks to boss
sets conditions unacceptable.
She marches with an air
of overconfidence. Condescending
to those around, she appears imperious,
a symptom of pride hovers.

Curious, I watch her moves.
Mature she is in age not in self.
Vanamali is rude, loud mouthed
 sharp tongued. These being her virtues
then and now, she commands her folk.
Trace an impudence in her eyes.
What for a revenge?
She  confirms disaster.
meenas17

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Called Vanamali

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 07 Jul 2018, 06:41

M---



a series of closely reasoned witticisms, like Pope, like Samuel Johnson on Pope....LOL.

he wrote something like 1779–1781.



and now you poke good natured fun at Madame.



Vanamali wants to preside
chooses to impose, seeks to boss
sets conditions unacceptable.
She marches with an air
of overconfidence. Condescending
to those around, she appears imperious,
a symptom of pride hovers.



my favorite is the poem's last line:

She confirms disaster.


maybe an adjective of a personal nature, a speech pattern, before dinner or after behavior, her use of scents, physical dimensions, gestures, favored colors....



bernie

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1496
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Called Vanamali

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 07 Jul 2018, 10:13

Bernie is being kind,
the poem needs work,
I love the ambition.
Is this poem about you Meena? :)


The title may just be: Vanamali,

it does the work alone.

Now in her eighties
established, but recalcitrant.
Overrules husband, in-laws, and children
whoever comes her way
unreasonable, unscrupulous
she drives us to distraction
with her Imperial ways.

She presides, imposes, and bosses,
sets unacceptable conditions.
Overconfident, condescending
imperious, a dragon worthy
of slaying.

Best wishes on any edits.

meenas17
Posts: 609
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Called Vanamali

#4 Post by meenas17 » 08 Jul 2018, 14:45

Thanks bernie.
You are extremely kind.
I will revise by bringing in few personal characteristics of Vanamali.

Meena.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 609
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Called Vanamali

#5 Post by meenas17 » 08 Jul 2018, 14:49

Frank,
I am way past the eighties will reach century very soon. :lol:
This poem is not about me. Proved.

I will consider your edits in my revision.

Thanks.
meenas17

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