New York Pitch Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, Poetry

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 Post subject: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 15 Jul 2018, 13:26 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1212
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
The hotel foyer in turmoil, Nigerian women argue
loudly about their taxi fare. I wished I had been
as brave with my Sikh driver who had scammed
me mercilessly.

Hijras smothered in kajal accost me,
I settle for one hundred rupees. Aravan, not
greedy. Oh! that the Sikh would become
her devotee. I spurned the offer of fellatio,
not wanting to see their wounded holes.

Personnel fawned. How brave to ignore
the riots and change hotels, When I spoke
of the shootings, he said,
'The Continental is so impersonal.'
We both knew he meant crooked.

Passing through crossroads, a Gurkha
officer had pointed his baton, smart
in starched Khaki complemented
by his tan skin and black moustache
his precise military movements
that shed death at the point
of his cane. Vishnu incarnate,
destroyer of worlds.

A soldier fired, hitting one of the crowd.
As they fled, the officer turned to my Fiat,
pointed the way, we sped off, crunching glass

Beckenbauer had raved, 'Shit country!' He
had lain in a ditch, unfamiliar with India,
he resented the crowd. Lucky, he was not
a woman police constable. These things
happen in Britain’s former empire, life or death
hung on the whim of a Gurkha officer.

'Raza Academy apologises, Muslims could not
have been responsible for the molestation
of the women constables as that would have been
contrary to Islam.'
Times of India


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 15 Jul 2018, 20:48 
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Posts: 785
I like the first stanza best....There are things to like about each stanza....but often the stanzas feel choppy and can be smoothed out.... those are my initial impressions....look again later


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 15 Jul 2018, 21:52 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
Will read it tomorrow morning.


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 02:47 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1212
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Promises, promises.


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 07:42 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
Frank
The poem is very picturesque and each is a separate segment linked by the narrator.Only these lines seem out of place.

Vishnu incarnate,
destroyer of worlds.

Vishnu is not the destroyer-Shiva is.You can say Visnu Incarnate and connect it with Shiva the destroyer.
And remove Visnu Incarnate destroyer of worlds--it is not accepted.


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 10:11 
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Posts: 627
Frank. This is nice but above me head.


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 15:49 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1212
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
It's a travel log Ken. :)


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 18:52 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
travelogue


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 19:39 
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Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Posts: 1212
Location: Between the mountains and the sea
And the alternative British English spelling

'From Wikipedia, the free encyclopedia
(Redirected from Travel-Log (disambiguation))

Travel log or Travel Log may refer to:
Travel literature, records of a traveller's experiences
Travel-Log, album by JJ Cale
Travel Log, a vehicle built by Charles Kellogg'


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 Post subject: Re: Vishnu Incarnate
PostPosted: 17 Jul 2018, 21:42 
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Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Posts: 881
I did smile this time Frank. I am familiar with your high funda.
Thanks for giving me the Album and the Vehicle. I will have to google it up tomorrow.


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