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Removed - Moved

Posted: 17 Jul 2018, 21:04
by FranktheFrank
Removed poem

Re: A Christmas in Wales

Posted: 26 Jul 2018, 14:11
by FranktheFrank
Pom elevated

Re: At Christmas - revised

Posted: 18 Aug 2018, 11:49
by FranktheFrank
Poem revised.

Re: At Christmas - revised

Posted: 18 Aug 2018, 19:19
by Kenneth2816
The first six lines are not on par with thr exquisite and delicious detail of rebalance of the poem. There are many exotic and unexpected images here, so that I think one or two lines depicting the ravages of the weathe
*before* the swallowa and red dust,
would advance the poem.

Difficult to make a poem on a topic covered millions of times, interesting.
You succeed with fresh imagery.

I might question the lamb, and love shed as being more Easter than Christmas and possibly trade them for a reference to ths birth celebrated

Re: At Christmas - revised

Posted: 18 Aug 2018, 20:57
by BobBradshaw
You do have some nice imagery, as in the first stanza

Lead pipes would burst at the first drop
in temperature, whereas when Simoom blew
nineteen hundred miles the town awoke
to a covering of red dust and the sound
of tens of thousands of swallows.

Re: Christmas - revised

Posted: 19 Aug 2018, 03:35
by FranktheFrank
Thank you very much,

Re: Christmas in Wales [Revision 3]

Posted: 24 Aug 2018, 12:59
by FranktheFrank
thanks for the comments.

Re: Christmas in Wales [Revision 3]

Posted: 24 Aug 2018, 20:34
by BobBradshaw
I like this shortened version. I esp. love the "swallows and swifts piping". There is a stray "e" in the first stanza, at the end of a line:

floods e

Enjoyed...Bob

Re: A Christmas in Wales

Posted: 14 Sep 2018, 21:34
by FranktheFrank
My final version