Stretto di Messina

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Stretto di Messina

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 27 Aug 2018, 13:03

S.S. Salacia races through the strait,
that stretches from Tyrrenia to the Ionian Sea.
From Punto del Faro to Punta Pezzo
to meet the strong currents and whirlpool
of Scylla and Charybdis.

30 000 tons tilt to cope with the curve
of the plot, it's eight bells, a storm erupts
with the sonic boom of forked lightning
that illuminates the cliffs. Lights twinkle
at Messina on the northern shore, an invite
to supper and a safe haven.

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped ten inches.
We remove the condenser doors,
a bed of oysters have settled
between the tubes, we party and feast
on them with cruise women the night through.

A calm sea at dawn, Bibesia content,
Erotes sated from the steamy night.







*****



S.S. Salacia races through the strait,
that stretches from Tyrrenia to the Ionian Sea.
From Punto del Faro to Punta Pezzo
to meet the stong currents and whirlpool
of Scylla and Charybdis.

30 000 tons tilt to cope with the curve
of the plot, it's eight bells, a storm erupts
with the sonic boom of forked lightning
that illuminates the cliffs. Lights twinkle
at Messina on the northern shore, an invite
to supper and a safe haven.

Alternate last Strophe:

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped ten inches.
We remove the condenser doors,
a mass of oysters have blocked
the tubes, we party and feast
with cruise women the night through.

A calm sea at dawn sees Bibesia content,
Erotes sated from the steamy night.

******

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped to ten inches
not enough steam to drive the turbines.
The lights flicker, time to check the condenser
tubes. We remove the doors, to find a tonne
of oysters blocking up the tubes, we party
and feast on them with the cruise women.
At dawn, Bibesia lies content, Erotes satiated
from a seamy, steam powered night.


*****

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 27 Aug 2018, 13:06

How do we edit a poem please?
Okay, I've found it.

IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Stretto di Messina

#3 Post by IndianaDP » 27 Aug 2018, 20:40

The descriptions of geography are very poetic and pleasing. My lack of knowledge concerning the working of ships however makes it hard to fully understand the story. It seems that just before reaching safe harbor the storm has caused the engines to fail , then upon looking to repair them a stash of oysters are found gumming up the works. Basically I don’t understand condenser tubes or how oysters get in them.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1559
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Stretto di Messina

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Aug 2018, 20:46

The smooth flow of this poem is very enjoyable, The alliteration works well. We're carried along with the pace and sound of this narrative. Well done.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 27 Aug 2018, 22:14

Dale, the shellfish get sucked up into the cooling part of the condensers
on the outside of the tubes. for efficient working the vacuum should be 30" inches,
less than that then the steam isn't pulled through and the generators fail.
The shellfish stop the cooling water cooling the team inside the tubes,
so the condenser doors have to be taken off to clean out the shellfish.

IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Stretto di Messina

#6 Post by IndianaDP » 27 Aug 2018, 22:57

Ah, I was sort of seeing that, but not trusting my instincts. I wonder if that section could be clarified to help the reader? Love the connection of eating oysters and the cruise women.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 27 Aug 2018, 23:36

It's very simple Dale, there is a box, that the condenser
it has doors, tubes run through the box, the steam goes through
the box to feed blades of a turbine that generate electricity
via a generator. The inside of the tubes is cooled by sea water
sucked in by powerful pumps. The steam cools because
of the cool water running in the tubes this causes the steam
to cool into water which gives another 14.7 pounds per square inch,
i.e. 1 atmosphere.

This steam decreases in volume according to Boyle's law
P1 times V1 = P2 times V2
The pressure of the steam is at zero when entering the
condensers, it has done it work and is just a hot vapour
but the condensers squeeze another 14.7 pounds
of pressure i.e. work by turning the vapour (wet Steam)
into water. 14.7 x Volume1 = zero pressure x zero volume.
14.7 psi = 30 inches of vacuum.
The steam shrinks in volume proportionally to the pressure decrease.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Stretto di Messina

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 Aug 2018, 09:48

You're so clever with the use of technical terms and exotic locales.

Enjoyed this

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#9 Post by FranktheFrank » 28 Aug 2018, 11:33

Thanks Bob and Ken
It's first year senior applied mechanics Ken
don't know what year in the USA
age 16 - 17 here.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1620
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Stretto di Messina

#10 Post by Michael (MV) » 29 Aug 2018, 09:10

 
Hi Frank,


I'm enchanted with the mix of mythological allusion & the vessel of modern maritime

recalls to me not only the Sirens but also Circe & the sailors who wind up on her luxury estate

and then flashes forward to that moment in time I wandered upon this powerful persona poem while sitting & perusing The New Yorker, April 10, 1995 P. 90

"Circe's Power"   by Louise Gluck

I never turned anyone into a pig.
Some people are pigs; I make them
Look like pigs.

I'm sick of your world
That lets the outside disguise the inside. Your men weren't bad men;
Undisciplined life
Did that to them. As pigs,

Under the care of
Me and my ladies, they
Sweetened right up.

Then I reversed the spell, showing you my goodness
As well as my power. I saw

We could be happy here,
As men and women are
When their needs are simple. In the same breath,

I foresaw your departure,
Your men with my help braving
The crying and pounding sea. You think

A few tears upset me? My friend,
Every sorceress is
A pragmatist at heart; nobody sees essence who can't
Face limitation. If I wanted only to hold you

I could hold you prisoner.

workshop-share; in lieu of "seamy":

At dawn, Bibesia lies content, Erotes satiated
after a long steamy night.


and sharing footnotes to enlighten fellow-readers    :)

Bibesia, Roman Goddess of Banquets and Drink

The Erotes are a collective of winged gods associated with love and sex in Greek mythology. They are part of Aphrodite's retinue. Erotes is the plural of Eros ("Love, Desire"), who as a singular deity has a more complex mythology.


and an Italian Summer soundtrack: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Kjis7a_vz_w

8)

Michael (MV)

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#11 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Aug 2018, 14:00

As usual Michael
you get the poem in it entirety.
I wanted to show the majesty and romance
of the Mediterranean, how the beauty
affects the senses and what more to show
the happening of a modern steamer
and all not entierly free from the old
gods, even if false.

I take on board that change to steamy
and will change.

I wondered if this passage isn't too telling:

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped to ten inches
not enough steam to drive the turbines.
The lights flicker, time to check the condenser
tubes. We remove the doors, to find a tonne
of oysters blocking up the tubes, we party
and feast on them with the cruise women.
At dawn, Bibesia lies content, Erotes satiated
from a seamy, steam powered night.

I was thinking:

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped ten inches.
We remove the condenser doors,
a tonne of oysters had blocked
the tubes, we party and feast
on them with the cruise women.

Dawn sees Bibesia content, Erotes
satiated from the steamy night.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1620
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Stretto di Messina

#12 Post by Michael (MV) » 02 Sep 2018, 21:03

Good Sunday noon, Frank, (first Sunday in September, the day before the American Labor Day)

might even consider "sated" in lieu of "satiated" or "contented"

8)

Michael (MV)

FranktheFrank wrote:
29 Aug 2018, 14:00
As usual Michael
you get the poem in it entirety.
I wanted to show the majesty and romance
of the Mediterranean, how the beauty
affects the senses and what more to show
the happening of a modern steamer
and all not entierly free from the old
gods, even if false.

I take on board that change to steamy
and will change.

I wondered if this passage isn't too telling:

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped to ten inches
not enough steam to drive the turbines.
The lights flicker, time to check the condenser
tubes. We remove the doors, to find a tonne
of oysters blocking up the tubes, we party
and feast on them with the cruise women.
At dawn, Bibesia lies content, Erotes satiated
from a seamy, steam powered night.

I was thinking:

The condensers groan, the generators
falter, the vacuum has dropped ten inches.
We remove the condenser doors,
a tonne of oysters had blocked
the tubes, we party and feast
on them with the cruise women.

Dawn sees Bibesia content, Erotes
satiated from the steamy night.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1534
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Stretto di Messina

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 02 Sep 2018, 21:27

Okay and thanks Michael, stated it is.
Satiated is a synonym of sated.
As adjectives the difference between satiated and sated is that satiated
is pleasantly satisfied or full, as with food while sated is in a state of complete
and thorough satisfaction.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1620
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Stretto di Messina

#14 Post by Michael (MV) » 04 Sep 2018, 04:50

 
Hi Franks,

I'm aware that the two are basically synonymous. I suggested "sated" because it is bolder for its 2-syllable curtness.

Please note I never said "stated."

And Please remember my workshop suggestions are not conditional.


in the spirit of clarification

8)

Michael (MV)

FranktheFrank wrote:
02 Sep 2018, 21:27
Okay and thanks Michael, stated it is.
Satiated is a synonym of sated.
As adjectives the difference between satiated and sated is that satiated
is pleasantly satisfied or full, as with food while sated is in a state of complete
and thorough satisfaction.
 

 
 
 
 

Post Reply

Return to “Writer's Block - Where The Poets Hang”