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Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 06:03
by Kenneth2816
We count noses,
toes and fingers.
One little, two little,
this little piggy
went to market.

My grandson, blood
of my blood's blood.

On the carpet, a fat,
little Buddha

proud as an Emporer
in the noon day sun.

In obeisance, I am all-foured
in the day room.

He pulls my hair and ears,
pats my back gently

tries to say "good boy."
His gibberish is canonical.

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 08:54
by BobBradshaw
Sweet, delightful...charming without ever being sentimental. Kudos

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 10:09
by Kenneth2816
Thangs Bob. Any thought on improving it?

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 20:30
by BobBradshaw
I liked the first version better...I don’t like “unintelligible little alien”.

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 20:32
by BobBradshaw
The Close to holiness line is too much of a stretch for me...it’s a terrific poem...don’t overwork it

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 03 Sep 2018, 21:34
by Kenneth2816
Ok
Thank you

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 04 Sep 2018, 00:46
by FranktheFrank
I agree, very personal, very human.

Re: Speaking Babylonian

Posted: 04 Sep 2018, 12:33
by Kenneth2816
Tweaked