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Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 11 Sep 2018, 12:14
by FranktheFrank
Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,
His bayonet, in my hands,
blunted.

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs,
the smell of flour,
something nice.

My bedroom cold as an arctic floe.
Illness reaches out and grips
with: vomiting, fever for days and nights.
It won’t release me, darkness,
death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

Mam’s eyes black with fear,
deep as glacial pools.

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 11 Sep 2018, 20:08
by BobBradshaw
Good one, Frank...I like how I'm surprised by the turn of events...good imagery, especially of the father and the smells....my only suggestion...take out one or two of the darkness, black, death words....one or two too many

good writing, esp. here:

Dad returning from work,
smell of motor bike, petrol, leather.
The cold of winter, pipes freezing in the ty bach,
ice castles sagging down.

His steel helmet hanging on the door,
plastic neck guard, gas mask,
rifle hung out of reach,

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 11 Sep 2018, 20:15
by meenas17
Death hovers.

death in the mirror
of the wardrobe door.

The height of the child,

Mam baking, I hang
on pinafored thighs.

A good one, Frank. Enjoyed.

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 12 Sep 2018, 12:59
by Kenneth2816
Much in agreement, this is a good poem with the domestic dichotomy backdraped by the trappings of war

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 14 Sep 2018, 21:36
by FranktheFrank
Thanks all.

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 02 Oct 2018, 02:02
by capricorn
Hi Frank,

It was the welsh cakes that drew me here. I could just eat a couple now!

I enjoyed this one - the way one stanza flows to the next, An unexpected ending.

Eira

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 08 Oct 2018, 02:14
by Billy
Very good, Frank, the narrative is interesting and surprising. You've gotten really good at these shorter poems.

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 14 Oct 2018, 16:54
by FranktheFrank
Thanks billy
Nice to see you posting here again

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 14 Oct 2018, 22:32
by IndianaDP
It always amazes me how details can move a story forward, nicely done. I especially like the line with the mirror and the wardrobe door.

Re: Welsh Cakes at War

Posted: 15 Oct 2018, 18:36
by FranktheFrank
Bob, Meena, Ken thanks for input.
Eire, how can anyone exist without a Welsh cake, bake some now. :)
Billy and Dale, thanks again.