Sprectrum is the Welsh word
for spectrum?
Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
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- Posts: 1988
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- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Running on the Sprectrum (revision 2)
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑07 Jan 2019, 04:28The first 3 stanzas are choppy, and should be your focus in your next revision. However, I love the rest of your poem! Gorgeous writing from S4 on...I like the rhythm you have here, and the humor really shines.
Thanks Bob. you have confirmed what I thought - the beginning is a bit 'flat'. So glad you like the rest. I have rewritten the first 3 stanzas, hoping it is an improvement - I'm getting there!
Eira
Re: Running on the Sprectrum (revision 2)
It must be the Welsh in me Frank
I hadn't noticed I'd written it that way - don't think anyone else did either, except you.
Eira
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
This is much better, especially that opening stanza. Excellent revision....
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
just one suggestion...add a comma at the end of the first line
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
Thanks Bob, I'll do that now.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑15 Jan 2019, 00:03just one suggestion...add a comma at the end of the first line
Eira