Page 2 of 2
Re: Running on the Sprectrum (revision 2)
Posted: 08 Jan 2019, 02:27
by FranktheFrank
Sprectrum is the Welsh word
for spectrum?
Re: Running on the Sprectrum (revision 2)
Posted: 08 Jan 2019, 03:51
by capricorn
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑07 Jan 2019, 04:28
The first 3 stanzas are choppy, and should be your focus in your next revision. However, I love the rest of your poem! Gorgeous writing from S4 on...I like the rhythm you have here, and the humor really shines.
Thanks Bob. you have confirmed what I thought - the beginning is a bit 'flat'. So glad you like the rest. I have rewritten the first 3 stanzas, hoping it is an improvement - I'm getting there!
Eira
Re: Running on the Sprectrum (revision 2)
Posted: 08 Jan 2019, 03:59
by capricorn
FranktheFrank wrote: ↑08 Jan 2019, 02:27
Sprectrum is the Welsh word
for spectrum?
It must be the Welsh in me Frank
I hadn't noticed I'd written it that way - don't think anyone else did either, except you.
Eira
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
Posted: 14 Jan 2019, 22:03
by BobBradshaw
This is much better, especially that opening stanza. Excellent revision....
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
Posted: 15 Jan 2019, 00:03
by BobBradshaw
just one suggestion...add a comma at the end of the first line
Re: Running on the Spectrum (revised first 3 stanzas)
Posted: 16 Jan 2019, 03:09
by capricorn
BobBradshaw wrote: ↑15 Jan 2019, 00:03
just one suggestion...add a comma at the end of the first line
Thanks Bob, I'll do that now.
Eira