Godzilla

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Godzilla

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Oct 2018, 09:50

Godzilla


At first our fishing boats
began returning empty.
One day they didn't return at all:

who could have predicted Godzilla
lumbering out of the waves?

Towering over us,
swinging his head, he roared
as if in great pain,
each of his breaths exhaled
a fiery burst--

our thatched huts
and wooden buildings leaping into flames.

Stumbling, he braced himself
against a concrete wall, in agony,
as if it were his own lungs burning.

Instinctively he turned away,
thrashing his way back
the way he came, his constant roar
like a fire's as it storms off.

Authorities were alerted, sirens
wailing behind the devil beast
as he waded into the sea.
He vanished, like an island
whose coral foundation
has broken apart
slips beneath the waves.

We shared notes, formed committees
to study how we should best
handle such disasters
in the future. Were there more
monsters waiting in the depths?

But with our fishing boats returning
with weighted holds again, tuna
and jackfish mobbing the marketplace,
the urgency for answers slipped out of sight.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 2154
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Godzilla

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 22 Oct 2018, 21:32

 
Hi Bob,


Creative find for the pop-icon as metaphor - sometimes matters take care of themselves - disastrous influences can self-destruct.



" . . . Were there more
monsters waiting in the depths?"

^^ Liked the resonance achieved in the pedestrian phrase "waiting in the depths"



workshop recasting of

"He vanished, like an island
whose coral foundation
has broken apart
slips beneath the waves."

as

He vanished, like when an island,
after its coral foundation breaks
apart, slips beneath the waves.


In the last, the "too" can be more effective, relocated & realigned:

But as our fishing boats return
with weighted holds again, tunas
and jackfish crowding the marketplace,
the urgency for answers, too,
slipped out of sight.


or recast as, for example:

With our fishing boats returning
with weighted holds again, tunas
and jackfish mobbing the marketplace,
the urgency for answers slipped out of sight.


serendipity - just came across this:

https://www.msn.com/en-us/news/technolo ... BOHS7V_1|2

^^ Slide 2

https://fermi.gsfc.nasa.gov/science/constellations/

 
 
8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
   
   
 

 

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Godzilla

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Oct 2018, 23:07

Thx, Michael....I have adjusted the last stanza per your suggestions...I will consider your other changes...best

fuypumpkincavid
Posts: 1
Joined: 23 Oct 2018, 15:17

Funny Pumpkin Carving Ideas

#4 Post by fuypumpkincavid » 23 Oct 2018, 15:23

newsprint, or smoothed darker paper basic need packs. In the case of utilizing the last mentioned, essentially chop down one side of the basic need pack, at that point remove the base of the sack so you have a major square shape of dark colored paper. Layer a couple of these on the table and you're ready. Funny Pumpkin Carving Ideas

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Godzilla

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 24 Oct 2018, 21:20

tweaked

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Godzilla

#6 Post by SivaRamanathan » 24 Oct 2018, 21:41

Bob
I like Michael's workshop suggestions.

Siva

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Godzilla

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Oct 2018, 09:15

You're right, Siva...I have adjusted 4 more lines per Michael's suggestion...best

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