Night Notes From Overwatch. revised

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Night Notes From Overwatch. revised

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 Oct 2018, 09:55

They say he was ten feet tall had seven toes and fingers on each hand and foot.

Judaculla "the slant eyed one " was the Cherokee god of the hunt, the harvest, and of judgement.
Eight hundred years. The People populated this area until they made contact with Europeans. I feel their ghosts sometimes.

Herds of Elk by the thousands ranged these hills. Valleys of "The Three Sisters" being corn, green beans and squash. Unlike Europeans, the Cherokee did not plant in rows.

They sowed corn, waited a month, planted green beans, runners climbed the stalk.

Mid Spring, they planted squash whose leaves provided mulch for it all. This is the time of year the sacred Autumn harvest was held, three days and nights, one for each of the Sisters

Tonight I'm at 5500 feet on Toxaway Mountain where Judaculla lived in a cave and watched over his people. I sneak a cigarette, shield its glow in a fist, wondering if he would smoke with me were he here.

This is where deer come now, high and away from people. This is rutting season when bucks battle for primacy over does.

Poachers put out salt blocks, hunt at night by spot lighting deer which blinds them, causing them to freeze .They approach the herd from down wind. It's too high to hear the rifle crack.

I have a night vision scope, a hand held radio that hooks me with County Police. I'm careful to keep the volume down so as not to give my position away.

County will come the dirt road from Panther Ridge on ATV's at my signal,
with special mufflers, lights out and roll right up on them. They'll be in tac gear because poachers are known to shoot at the law.

I don't know what it means that
I could never kill a deer but am paid
to shoot a man if necessary.

Company issue Glock 40, hollow
point rounds, I worry sometimes
with my dimming eye sight, about
qualifying every 90 days.

The Range Master is a good man.
He tells me to relax. Breathe normal.
Rest in the balls of your feet. Never close one eye. Center of body mass. Squeeze.


Below me is some of the most expensive real estate on the country
home to celebrities,CEO's , denizens
of Wall Street.

They pay me to watch their houses
in the off season, answer burglar alarms, pick their drunk kids up at the Country Club and bring them home, keep their secrets and keep them safe.

At night up here alone, I can hear the moanful wail from The Trail of Tears, and I know not all ghosts are malevolent. The women being prodded with bayonets, the children wading through waist deep snow, the uttered prayer of disbelief.

Judaculla promised The People as long as they stayed in the mist of the Blue Ridge , they would be safe. The tribes took him at his word, and kept perpetual Holy fire at Tellico, adding to the haze. Judaculla did not count on the Europeans.

The old Chief, Junaluska,walked alone from Oklahoma to North Carolina to die in his ancestral lands.

He told all the newspapers he was sorry he saved the life of Andrew Jackson at the Battle of Horse Shoe Bend .Jackson repaid him by signing Indian Removal Act of 1838. Junaluska signed too and
never forgave himself.

It is not enough that they name their roads Cherokee Trace, Tsali Lane or Indian Ridge.

I've seen them tear down a three year old multi million dollar mansion just to build a bigger one in its place. Most of these people have never changed a flat tire or done their own cleaning.

Their homes are less fortress than prison, behind gates within a gate. They can't even paint the front door a different color without approval
from the Home Owner's Association

Private Police force,armed guards,
K9 patrols, drone oveflights during fire season.

An army of workers from May to November wait tables, cut grass, run errands, repair cars and boats, clean homes, do remodeling.

They say it's good for the local economy and the tips aren't bad,
but I always decline their money.


I smile to remember the Egyptian Plover bird that stands in a crocodile's mouth to glean
the leavings from its teeth.

In an unnatural reciprocity of need,
the beast does not bite.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Oct 2018, 15:48

This is brilliant, interesting and educational.
You have shown the character well,
judicial pruning would make this great,
maybe in strophes of three and shorter lines.

Just give you an instance, first two lines:

The Slant Eyed One, Judaculla, Cherokee god of the hunt, harvest, and of judgement.
He is ten feet tall, has seven toes and fingers on each hand and foot.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 29 Oct 2018, 22:06

I like how you expand your range from time to time. This is good. I agree with Frank....I would like to see a bit of trimming, just to see if it works better or not. I liked the first half of the poem best. I would look to cut, if any, in the second half. Very well written....enjoyable, you capture an environment well in the first half...the poem puts me there...all believable....the irony not overdone...the narrator spanning 2 worlds....ambitious, successful piece

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 30 Oct 2018, 13:56

I think this could be an exceedingly good poem.
I just wish you would receive advice,
I don't throw out the words: 'excellent', and 'brilliant' lightly,
this needs work, but overall it has the makings of a winner.

Don't forget poems affect the reader differently
and it is our personal preferences that come to the fore in nominating.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 30 Oct 2018, 19:15

I hear you Frank, I do.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 30 Oct 2018, 20:29

Frank, based only on your belief the poem has merit, I'll rework it soon.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 31 Oct 2018, 16:35

revised

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch. revised

#8 Post by meenas17 » 01 Nov 2018, 19:58

Lengthy but interesting.
Different from the regulars.
Trying to enjoy the read.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Night Notes From Overwatch. revised

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 02 Nov 2018, 03:47

longest I've written..thank you

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