Revision
Indian Summer
slips through the haze. Sudden
breath on my cool face;
the flush of warmth bewilders,
swallows linger in brittle reeds.
Shadows dance as light dwindles.
Teasing sighs, a kiss before
we tango with a flurry of lime
and copper across appliqued lawns.
East wind blasts, a spangled rime
surrendering to brume.
------------------------------------
Indian summer
veiled in mist
swirls rushing back -
a breath on my cool cheek.
Gushing warmth beguiles.
Swallows linger
in brittle reeds.
As daylight dwindles,
even shadows dance away;
lips are teased
by sizzling kisses.
We waltz in a whirlwind
of copper and lime
foliage flurrying across
baked terrain.
East wind blasts
a spangled rime -
vaporizing into brume.
Indian Summer -revision
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Indian Summer
I like this a lot...you capture the landscape well, and imaginatively
Love the close:
We waltz in a whirlwind
of copper and lime
foliage flurrying across
baked terrain.
East wind blasts
a spangled rime -
vaporizing into brume.
Love the close:
We waltz in a whirlwind
of copper and lime
foliage flurrying across
baked terrain.
East wind blasts
a spangled rime -
vaporizing into brume.
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Indian Summer
Some very nice word choices. Good solid imagery. Nice
Re: Indian Summer
Hi BobBobBradshaw wrote: ↑17 Nov 2018, 04:09I like this a lot...you capture the landscape well, and imaginatively
Love the close:
We waltz in a whirlwind
of copper and lime
foliage flurrying across
baked terrain.
East wind blasts
a spangled rime -
vaporizing into brume.
I'm glad that you like this. I have revised this weekend. I felt 'veiled in mist' was a bit cliche - then I questioned some word choices. Eventually I gave it a good trim back and rewrote in couplets. I hope it still works for you.
Eira
Re: Indian Summer
Thanks Ken. I have decided to revise (reasons above in reply to Bob) Hope it works for you.
Eira
Re: Indian Summer -revision
Solid poem, I like the revision.