Cuddles And Giggles

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Cuddles And Giggles

#1 Post by meenas17 » 03 Dec 2018, 18:48

The little one
my grand daughter 
 ever affectionate
looks at me 
with no sign of recognition.

The day before 
we played together 
she hiding, I seeking,
leaving no corner of the house 
everything being forgotten. 

I go close to her
she runs away terrified.
Call her “Meenu”. She
 being named after me.
Hostile she turns..


This being in a wedding,
 amongst relatives and friends.
 They  look at me 
as though I am an unkind grandma  
 Wriggle with discomfort.

I stay put in my place
bite my tongue 
brush aside the tears
watch the ceremonies 
with little.interest.

I walk towards the exit
hurt and sad, a tiny hand pulls 
the edges of my sari.
find my lovely child,
who cuddles and giggles.

 
 

 


 
meenas17

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Dec 2018, 12:33

Being teased, so cruel Meena, yet love abides.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#3 Post by meenas17 » 07 Dec 2018, 18:14

Thanks, Frank.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 07 Dec 2018, 21:38

Meena, I really relate and like the opening....it grabs me....too much telling follows, but these lines are excellent:

The little one
my grand daughter
ever affectionate
looks at me
with no sign of recognition.

The day before
we played together
she hiding, I seeking,
leaving no corner of the house
everything being forgotten.

I go close to her
she runs away terrified.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#5 Post by meenas17 » 11 Dec 2018, 09:40

Bob, I like your reaction, being a pleasant one.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#6 Post by BobBradshaw » 15 Dec 2018, 00:07

Maybe just trimming would help...

The little one
my grand daughter
ever affectionate
looks at me
with no sign of recognition.

The day before
we played hide and seek,
leaving no corner of the house
unexplored.

Now I go close to her
she runs away terrified...

This being a wedding,
relatives and friends
look at me
as though I am an unkind grandma.

I stay put in my place
bite my tongue,
brush aside the tears,
watch the ceremonies
with little interest.

I walk towards the exit
hurt and sad—a tiny hand tugs
at the edges of my sari,
and my heart

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#7 Post by SivaRamanathan » 15 Dec 2018, 06:09

I quite like Bob's edit, Meena.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#8 Post by meenas17 » 15 Dec 2018, 09:40

Bob, thanks for the edits. I will submit a revision soon.
meenas17

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Cuddles And Giggles

#9 Post by meenas17 » 15 Dec 2018, 09:41

Thanks, Siva for dropping by.
meenas17

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