Creature from the Black Lagoon - revised

[BobBradshaw]

v2:

Creature from the Black Lagoon


My mother had warned me
about older boys who hung out
with my big brother.
Especially Jamie,
a thirteen year old
with bubble eyes,
his gaze always drifting
across my chest.

He was obsessed
with the film Creature from the Black Lagoon,
and like that half-fish monster
had been seen hiding in the bushes
peering into a neighbor's window.

Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water,
but I wasn’t about to be lured
anywhere alone with Jamie.

Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow into?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed

and is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left on
in an abandoned house?


v1:
Creature from the Black Lagoon


My mother had warned me
about older boys who hung out
with my big brother.
Especially Jamie,
a thirteen year old
with bubble eyes,
his gaze always drifting
across my chest.

He was obsessed
with the film Creature from the Black Lagoon,
and like that half-fish monster
had been seen hiding in the bushes
peering into a neighbor's window.

Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water,
but I wasn’t about to be lured
anywhere alone with Jamie.

Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow into?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed

and is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left on at night
in an abandoned house?

[Michael (MV)]

 
Hi Bob,


workshop-share re the last 3 stanzas:

Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water, but I wasn’t
about to be lured anywhere
alone with Jamie.

Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow to be?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed?

And is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left
in an abandoned house?

^^ or maybe:   in a condemned house?



Admiral for the metaphorical application of the film icon



Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
  
 
  

 

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks, Michael...I like your suggestion...I will apply it