v2:
Creature from the Black Lagoon
My mother had warned me
about older boys who hung out
with my big brother.
Especially Jamie,
a thirteen year old
with bubble eyes,
his gaze always drifting
across my chest.
He was obsessed
with the film Creature from the Black Lagoon,
and like that half-fish monster
had been seen hiding in the bushes
peering into a neighbor's window.
Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water,
but I wasn’t about to be lured
anywhere alone with Jamie.
Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow into?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed
and is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left on
in an abandoned house?
v1:
Creature from the Black Lagoon
My mother had warned me
about older boys who hung out
with my big brother.
Especially Jamie,
a thirteen year old
with bubble eyes,
his gaze always drifting
across my chest.
He was obsessed
with the film Creature from the Black Lagoon,
and like that half-fish monster
had been seen hiding in the bushes
peering into a neighbor's window.
Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water,
but I wasn’t about to be lured
anywhere alone with Jamie.
Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow into?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed
and is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left on at night
in an abandoned house?
Creature from the Black Lagoon - revised
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Creature from the Black Lagoon - revised
Hi Bob,
workshop-share re the last 3 stanzas:
Jamie more than once
hinted of a midnight rendezvous
in water, but I wasn’t
about to be lured anywhere
alone with Jamie.
Years later I wonder,
what kind of a man did Jamie grow to be?
Does he still think of himself
as sly, his goals concealed?
And is his heart's intent
still as obvious as a light left
in an abandoned house?
^^ or maybe: in a condemned house?
Admiral for the metaphorical application of the film icon
Michael (MV)
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Creature from the Black Lagoon - revised
Thanks, Michael...I like your suggestion...I will apply it