Renaming Constellations

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Renaming Constellations

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 16 Dec 2018, 23:54

Renaming Constellations


Six years ago I almost died.
I don't worry about small things.

So when my plumbing starts to tremble
like a small child under a cold shower,
the bones of the house knocking,
I shrug.

A week ago the lights went out.
Now I don't spend my nights
in the narcotic stare
of the TV. I shower outside
under a hose's wand.

Afterwards I lie on the ground
spreading my long wingspread under Orion.

I see constellations that I have renamed:
"Savor the Moment", "Enjoy the Ride".

Their names are like magnetic notes
on a fridge, holding the coordinates
that always bring me back
to earth.

There is no need for heaven
when everywhere there is beauty:

the Angel's Trumpet tree opens its chamber
of perfumes at night.
The wind sighs like a bride's dress
as it falls to the floor.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1574
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Renaming Constellations

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 17 Dec 2018, 07:18

Hi Bob


Workshop consider:


Afterwards I lie on the ground
spreading my long wingspread under Orion.


chamber for shop;
also consider trunk

gown for dress

Title as:

"Rediscovering Constellations"


I enjoyed discovering this

8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1004
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Renaming Constellations

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 17 Dec 2018, 16:01

the Angel's Trumpet tree opens its shop
of perfumes at night.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1532
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Renaming Constellations

#4 Post by FranktheFrank » 17 Dec 2018, 18:18

I like it Bob,
Last stanza/strophe not needed in my opinion.
Afterwards - one word.
Frig - with an 'e', fridge unless you meant frigging coolbox. :)

Consider: constellations that I call . . .

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Renaming Constellations

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Dec 2018, 22:36

thanks...tweaked

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1004
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Renaming Constellations

#6 Post by SivaRamanathan » 20 Dec 2018, 05:28

This latest version reads perfectly. Especially the last three stanzas.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1366
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Renaming Constellations

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Dec 2018, 21:40

Thank you, Siva

IndianaDP
Posts: 163
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Renaming Constellations

#8 Post by IndianaDP » 21 Dec 2018, 02:24

Looks good Bob, I like it.

capricorn
Posts: 290
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Renaming Constellations

#9 Post by capricorn » 23 Dec 2018, 03:03

Beautiful poem - great word choices. I absolutely love the last stanza.

Eira

meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Renaming Constellations

#10 Post by meenas17 » 26 Dec 2018, 07:20

It is picture perfect, Bob.
Most of your poems are so.
meenas17

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