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Renaming Constellations

Posted: 16 Dec 2018, 23:54
by BobBradshaw
Renaming Constellations


Six years ago I almost died.
I don't worry about small things.

So when my plumbing starts to tremble
like a small child under a cold shower,
the bones of the house knocking,
I shrug.

A week ago the lights went out.
Now I don't spend my nights
in the narcotic stare
of the TV. I shower outside
under a hose's wand.

Afterwards I lie on the ground
spreading my long wingspread under Orion.

I see constellations that I have renamed:
"Savor the Moment", "Enjoy the Ride".

Their names are like magnetic notes
on a fridge, holding the coordinates
that always bring me back
to earth.

There is no need for heaven
when everywhere there is beauty:

the Angel's Trumpet tree opens its chamber
of perfumes at night.
The wind sighs like a bride's dress
as it falls to the floor.

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 17 Dec 2018, 07:18
by Michael (MV)
Hi Bob


Workshop consider:


Afterwards I lie on the ground
spreading my long wingspread under Orion.


chamber for shop;
also consider trunk

gown for dress

Title as:

"Rediscovering Constellations"


I enjoyed discovering this

8)

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 17 Dec 2018, 16:01
by SivaRamanathan
the Angel's Trumpet tree opens its shop
of perfumes at night.

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 17 Dec 2018, 18:18
by FranktheFrank
I like it Bob,
Last stanza/strophe not needed in my opinion.
Afterwards - one word.
Frig - with an 'e', fridge unless you meant frigging coolbox. :)

Consider: constellations that I call . . .

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 19 Dec 2018, 22:36
by BobBradshaw
thanks...tweaked

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 20 Dec 2018, 05:28
by SivaRamanathan
This latest version reads perfectly. Especially the last three stanzas.

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 20 Dec 2018, 21:40
by BobBradshaw
Thank you, Siva

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 21 Dec 2018, 02:24
by IndianaDP
Looks good Bob, I like it.

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 23 Dec 2018, 03:03
by capricorn
Beautiful poem - great word choices. I absolutely love the last stanza.

Eira

Re: Renaming Constellations

Posted: 26 Dec 2018, 07:20
by meenas17
It is picture perfect, Bob.
Most of your poems are so.