Know My Twin

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Know My Twin

#1 Post by meenas17 » 19 Jan 2019, 21:23

Denial is not new to me.
We are but inseparable twins,
Left overs and discarded
come to me.

Not an exaggeration,
I vouchsafe. Could never
find the reason however
hard I try.

The crumbs became
delicious over the time.
I turn philosophical. Forced
to reconcile with a smile.

Those of whom
who got the plum relish
They are blessed.
Perhaps it is destiny's will

I am happy as well
working hard every day.
Apprehensive, of their
deceits, I move on in life.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Know My Twin

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Jan 2019, 21:51

I really like this, the plum, the inseparable twins....I would look to trim this down as far as possible, just to see if it improves the poem. For example, I would remove these lines...think about it...

Could never
find the reason however
hard I try.

Your writing is good....just try now to get the best poem possible

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Know My Twin

#3 Post by meenas17 » 24 Jan 2019, 21:33

Thanks Bob.
I will do a thorough revision and try to eliminate unwanted details.
meenas17

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Know My Twin

#4 Post by capricorn » 25 Jan 2019, 02:24

oh wow! I love this Meena! I agree with Bob to make this as concise as possible, leave only what's necessary.

Denial is not new to me.
We are [but] inseparable twins, delete 'but'

Not an exaggeration,
I vouchsafe. Could never
find the reason [however
hard I try.] remove in brackets - not needed

these 2 stanzas are my favourite-

The crumbs became
delicious over the time.
I turn philosophical. Forced
to reconcile with a smile.

Those of whom
who got the plum relish
They are blessed.
Perhaps it is destiny's will


Keep it up, Meena

Eira

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Know My Twin

#5 Post by meenas17 » 26 Jan 2019, 19:54

Thanks Eira.
I welcome your visit always and appreciate your suggestions as well.
I will tweak the poem in my revision.
meenas17

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