Denial is not new to me.
We are but inseparable twins,
Left overs and discarded
come to me.
Not an exaggeration,
I vouchsafe. Could never
find the reason however
hard I try.
The crumbs became
delicious over the time.
I turn philosophical. Forced
to reconcile with a smile.
Those of whom
who got the plum relish
They are blessed.
Perhaps it is destiny's will
I am happy as well
working hard every day.
Apprehensive, of their
deceits, I move on in life.
Know My Twin
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Know My Twin
I really like this, the plum, the inseparable twins....I would look to trim this down as far as possible, just to see if it improves the poem. For example, I would remove these lines...think about it...
Could never
find the reason however
hard I try.
Your writing is good....just try now to get the best poem possible
Could never
find the reason however
hard I try.
Your writing is good....just try now to get the best poem possible
Re: Know My Twin
Thanks Bob.
I will do a thorough revision and try to eliminate unwanted details.
I will do a thorough revision and try to eliminate unwanted details.
meenas17
Re: Know My Twin
oh wow! I love this Meena! I agree with Bob to make this as concise as possible, leave only what's necessary.
Denial is not new to me.
We are [but] inseparable twins, delete 'but'
Not an exaggeration,
I vouchsafe. Could never
find the reason [however
hard I try.] remove in brackets - not needed
these 2 stanzas are my favourite-
The crumbs became
delicious over the time.
I turn philosophical. Forced
to reconcile with a smile.
Those of whom
who got the plum relish
They are blessed.
Perhaps it is destiny's will
Keep it up, Meena
Eira
Denial is not new to me.
We are [but] inseparable twins, delete 'but'
Not an exaggeration,
I vouchsafe. Could never
find the reason [however
hard I try.] remove in brackets - not needed
these 2 stanzas are my favourite-
The crumbs became
delicious over the time.
I turn philosophical. Forced
to reconcile with a smile.
Those of whom
who got the plum relish
They are blessed.
Perhaps it is destiny's will
Keep it up, Meena
Eira
Re: Know My Twin
Thanks Eira.
I welcome your visit always and appreciate your suggestions as well.
I will tweak the poem in my revision.
I welcome your visit always and appreciate your suggestions as well.
I will tweak the poem in my revision.
meenas17