Traveling With You Through Space

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Traveling With You Through Space

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 21 Jan 2019, 21:32

:roll: V2:

Traveling With You Through Space

Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.

Yet here I am, decades later,
recalling our first date,
how every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.

If I had told them
you would return with Haley’s comet,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.

Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.

Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt’s promise.

Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,

the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.


V1:
Traveling With You Through Space

Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.

Yet here I am, years later,
your kisses filling my mouth
the way you fill my nights.

When we first kissed
every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.

If I had told them
you wouldn't return for 75 years,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.

Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.

Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt's promise.

Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,

the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Jan 2019, 02:02

Good. Think one or two too many kisses. Bogs or down.
Really like this.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Jan 2019, 02:06

Thanks, Ken... I am working on it... pls keep me informed of your thoughts

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#4 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Jan 2019, 02:28

Some minor changes to shed a couple “kisses” and and improve the flow a bit... let me know... appreciate it

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Jan 2019, 22:27

I think it much better especially naming the comet.

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#6 Post by capricorn » 23 Jan 2019, 17:28

Great revision, Bob. Removing those kisses has made a difference. Great poem.

Eira

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 Jan 2019, 08:06

Thanks, Eira... appreciate your support

rudr303095

Re: Traveling With You Through Space

#8 Post by rudr303095 » 28 Jan 2019, 22:51

BobBradshaw wrote:
21 Jan 2019, 21:32
:roll: V2:

Traveling With You Through Space

Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.

Yet here I am, decades later,
recalling our first date,
how every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.

If I had told them
you would return with Haley’s comet,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.

Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.

Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt’s promise.

Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,

the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.


V1:
Traveling With You Through Space

Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.

Yet here I am, years later,
your kisses filling my mouth
the way you fill my nights.

When we first kissed
every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.

If I had told them
you wouldn't return for 75 years,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.

Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.

Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt's promise.

Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,

the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
Ooo!!! This is really great.

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