Traveling With You Through Space
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Traveling With You Through Space
V2:
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, decades later,
recalling our first date,
how every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you would return with Haley’s comet,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt’s promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
V1:
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, years later,
your kisses filling my mouth
the way you fill my nights.
When we first kissed
every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you wouldn't return for 75 years,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt's promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, decades later,
recalling our first date,
how every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you would return with Haley’s comet,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt’s promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
V1:
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, years later,
your kisses filling my mouth
the way you fill my nights.
When we first kissed
every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you wouldn't return for 75 years,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt's promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Good. Think one or two too many kisses. Bogs or down.
Really like this.
Really like this.
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Thanks, Ken... I am working on it... pls keep me informed of your thoughts
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Some minor changes to shed a couple “kisses” and and improve the flow a bit... let me know... appreciate it
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
I think it much better especially naming the comet.
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Great revision, Bob. Removing those kisses has made a difference. Great poem.
Eira
Eira
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- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Thanks, Eira... appreciate your support
Re: Traveling With You Through Space
Ooo!!! This is really great.BobBradshaw wrote: ↑21 Jan 2019, 21:32V2:
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, decades later,
recalling our first date,
how every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you would return with Haley’s comet,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt’s promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.
V1:
Traveling With You Through Space
Young, I saw my future as adrift,
like a space pod's, the planets
in its rear view mirror.
Yet here I am, years later,
your kisses filling my mouth
the way you fill my nights.
When we first kissed
every fiber
in my body stood up
longing for your approval.
If I had told them
you wouldn't return for 75 years,
they would have sworn their loyalty,
combing the skies nightly
for signs of you.
Till I met you I drank in kisses from strangers
like shots of bourbon on New Year's Eve.
Your kisses changed everything.
They pulled me into your life
like the long reach of a galaxy's arm,
at first a mere tug,
a flirt's promise.
Thirty years later my nerves--
as you stroke my torso--
are like the trembling, small quakes
on the lunar surface,
the two of us, darling,
forever reshaping
each other.