The Prisoner

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Billy
Posts: 873
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

The Prisoner

#1 Post by Billy » 29 Mar 2019, 23:38

The Prisoner

They walk hundreds of miles
to catch a glimpse of the prisoner
behind the barred window.
His small cell: a wooden platform
for a bed, walls scarred
and pock-marked. A devoted
band of family and believers
incarcerated along with their beloved
die daily from lack of food
and disease in this fortress
so vile birds don’t fly over.
He gives them his portion
and more. His youngest son
absorbed in prayer
falls through a skylight,
pierced below by a stake.
Still alive he implores his father
to let him die, his sacrifice
to enable the believers who journey
so far to come into the prisoner’s
presence and receive his blessing.
Though he has the power to save him,
the prisoner grants the boy’s wish.
Not long after, the pilgrims
are allowed, due to the changing
attitude of the jailers in their growing
reverence for the prisoner, to visit him
and gaze upon his countenance.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 919
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Prisoner

#2 Post by Kenneth2816 » 30 Mar 2019, 17:25

I like the ambition. Since this must be read using a template of Christ, it is difficult because of the abstraction. I would suggest not using He or Him using capital letters. I might also suggest more references like "skylight" to bring the surrealist tone more to the fore.

There is good imagination at work here.

User avatar
Billy
Posts: 873
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: The Prisoner

#3 Post by Billy » 30 Mar 2019, 19:03

Actually, not much imagination at all. These are facts that I put into a narrative that, as you said, needs more surrealist touch. I just got it out now I will try to make it a poem. Thanks for reading and commenting. Now is when imagination will be needed.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1494
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: The Prisoner

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 08 Apr 2019, 03:46

Hi Billy


liked:

"so vile birds don’t fly over."

I'm also hearing;

so vile birds drop dead on the fly over.

^^ I like the medusaness of that -

so vile birds drop like stones on the fly over



" . . . His youngest son
absorbed in prayer
falls through a skylight,
pierced below by a stake."

^^ reminds me of Icarus


This panel surfaces each time I have read this:

https://artsandculture.google.com/asset ... lBA5ft7oPw


Also Byron's "Prisoner of Chillon"


😎

Michael (MV) who cross-references

b/c he doesn't believe in crucifixion

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