Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
meenas17
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Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
This is well planned and formed Meena
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
I echo what Frank has said....nice poem
Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
Revision
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus.
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered. Little
Sneha lies dead.
Original
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus.
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered. Little
Sneha lies dead.
Original
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
meenas17
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
This revision really improves the flow...I like it:
Revision
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus.
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered. Little
Sneha lies dead.
Revision
The church bells ring.
The congregation begins.
Sneha and Lina walk together
in smocked frocks.
It is Easter - the resurrection of Jesus.
St Anthony"s shrine sees large crowd.
Men of different faith attend
the sermon in harmony.
Jessica and Lina exchange
pleasantries. Happily they walk
towards the altar to receive the
Easter baskets.
A deafening noise
breaks the composure.
Smoke encircles
Deadly silence.
The fumes dissipate. Stand
witness to a ghastly carnage.
Bodies lay scattered. Little
Sneha lies dead.
-
- Posts: 2683
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Sneha ---"The Little Bird"
This is good....as I said, there's a nice flow to it...a simplicity that like as well. I like the closing lines, too....but you have a typo...a single quotation mark after scattered....fyi
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.
Bodies lay scattered' badly mutilated
Sneha lies dead.