The Caressing Touch

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meenas17
Posts: 564
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

The Caressing Touch

#1 Post by meenas17 » 09 May 2019, 14:41

Rain in my place!
I jump in glee.
Two full hours
torrential downpour
Ice cubes fall in course.
I hear no thunder
nor see lightening.
Water. water all the way.

The small pebbles of ice
accompany. original sea water pearls.
The lawn looks like a lass
in a green outfit wearing
a stylish pearl necklace.
Trees stand majestic
like a stern dame
alert and agog.

I sit in my patio,
watch the lovely rains,
while the house bathes
scrubbing itself of
dust and dirt
the soil turns slushy.
The rains slow down
and the birds come out.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1163
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Caressing Touch

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 May 2019, 19:35

Your work gets better and better...overall a lovely piece. Some suggestions...."I jump in glee"...glee is one of those old words that don't work anymore. Maybe something like

I race out to greet it.

I like "small pebbles of ice"...I love these lines:

The lawn looks like a lass
in a green outfit wearing
a stylish pearl necklace.
Trees stand majestic
like a stern dame

and these lines as well:

the house bathes
scrubbing itself of
dust and dirt

Kenneth2816
Posts: 919
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: The Caressing Touch

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 May 2019, 08:58

I like this too. Typo on lightning. I think your last stanza is the best.

meenas17
Posts: 564
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Caressing Touch

#4 Post by meenas17 » 12 May 2019, 15:31

Thanks, Bob and Ken.
meenas17

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