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The Caressing Touch

Posted: 09 May 2019, 14:41
by meenas17
Rain in my place!
I jump in glee.
Two full hours
torrential downpour
Ice cubes fall in course.
I hear no thunder
nor see lightening.
Water. water all the way.

The small pebbles of ice
accompany. original sea water pearls.
The lawn looks like a lass
in a green outfit wearing
a stylish pearl necklace.
Trees stand majestic
like a stern dame
alert and agog.

I sit in my patio,
watch the lovely rains,
while the house bathes
scrubbing itself of
dust and dirt
the soil turns slushy.
The rains slow down
and the birds come out.

Re: The Caressing Touch

Posted: 09 May 2019, 19:35
by BobBradshaw
Your work gets better and better...overall a lovely piece. Some suggestions...."I jump in glee"...glee is one of those old words that don't work anymore. Maybe something like

I race out to greet it.

I like "small pebbles of ice"...I love these lines:

The lawn looks like a lass
in a green outfit wearing
a stylish pearl necklace.
Trees stand majestic
like a stern dame

and these lines as well:

the house bathes
scrubbing itself of
dust and dirt

Re: The Caressing Touch

Posted: 10 May 2019, 08:58
by Kenneth2816
I like this too. Typo on lightning. I think your last stanza is the best.

Re: The Caressing Touch

Posted: 12 May 2019, 15:31
by meenas17
Thanks, Bob and Ken.