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Children Tour Monterey Bay Aquarium

I dream of waving to my public, a blue diver
nosing up to the aquarium's glass
with her ruby gloves and neon tank.

Slowly, as if she's too cool to be hurried,
she cleans the glass with a squeegee,
a tiger shark cruising behind her.

Two bottlenose dolphins
hover over her shoulders,
as if expecting a selfie.

A harbor seal rushes up to kiss her.

Like my friends on the burn ward,
I would trade a lifetime of desserts
to be swimming in an indigo suit.

 
Hi Bob,

Good to find, read & workshop this this Tuesday afternoon - Thanks. I love dolphins - sea dogs


workshop-share -


1/ a subject-verb agreement:

A harbor seals rushes up to kiss her.

or

Harbor seals rush up to kiss her.


2/ re the title & close

title as:

"Children Tour Monterey Bay Aquarium"

then with the close (which already links smoothly with the opening line/image:

Like my friends on the burn ward,
I would trade a lifetime of desserts
to be swimming in an indigo suit.


^^ Such powerful symbolism - and the way it makes its splash, like a dolphin suddenly breaking surface & suspended in mid air
And the speaker had no idea of the Vision waiting to be experienced - that surfaced from the aquarium.

As Michelangelo said: "The artist doesn't have a concept."

but the artist is perceptive to the clue




Michael (MV)

 

 

 
  
 
 

 
 

Loved reading this Bob. I too was able to spot the harbour seals,collective noun.The images are bright and breath-taking.There is enough momentum of surprise.It also passes off as casual,therein lies the beauty.

S

A unique premise for a poem, splendidly done.

Agree with Siva lovely to read.
Michael about sums it up.
Well done, you continue
on a roll Bob.

Thanks, Michael -- I have made some of your suggested revisions.
Kenneth, Siva, Frank - thank you so much for your thoughts...generous...Siva, I can't thank you enough

I'm predicting a place in IBPC on this Bob. Bet money.

Thx, Ken, I appreciate your optimism and support