Our Parents
Mom knew where she was headed,
as confident as a song bird.
She was an office on a top floor,
and breathtaking views.
Mom was too busy for us,
a vice presidential firefly
in a field lit with fireworks
and sparklers.
We turned to Dad when we felt
lonely or overwhelmed.
He was never too busy for us,
though he was a windshield wiper
wiping furiously away,
every day for him
a downpour.
Our Parents
-
- Posts: 1987
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Our Parents
Perhaps: 'with breathtaking views'.She was an office on a top floor,
and breathtaking views.
Suggest you promote her to full president:
Mom was too busy for us,
a furious presidential firefly.
-
- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Our Parents
I get where you're going. I think the choice of descriptions don't carry the poem. I suggest better metaphors or if you need to keep them, add a stanza or two. As is, it's fairly sterile for such an emotional subject
-
- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Our Parents
You're right, Ken. Thanks for letting me know.