New York Pitch Conference Reviews, Algonkian Writer Conferences, and Poetry Forums

Our Parents


Mom knew where she was headed,
as confident as a song bird.

She was an office on a top floor,
and breathtaking views.

Mom was too busy for us,
a vice presidential firefly

in a field lit with fireworks
and sparklers.

We turned to Dad when we felt
lonely or overwhelmed.

He was never too busy for us,
though he was a windshield wiper

wiping furiously away,
every day for him
a downpour.

She was an office on a top floor,
and breathtaking views.

Perhaps: 'with breathtaking views'.

Suggest you promote her to full president:

Mom was too busy for us,
a furious presidential firefly.

I get where you're going. I think the choice of descriptions don't carry the poem. I suggest better metaphors or if you need to keep them, add a stanza or two. As is, it's fairly sterile for such an emotional subject

You're right, Ken. Thanks for letting me know.