Dante's Outer Circles

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Dante's Outer Circles

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 09 Sep 2019, 18:05

It was the tinkling of cups
which disturbed you: sugar
and blackness, a spoon
for the madness.

Sometimes love looks like
getting your partner's coffee right.
I sucked at so many other things.

That September I wanted
to bring in the Devil's Ivy,
make cuttings for new rooting.

You had painstakingly trained
each vine to climb your rocker
and we joked about you overcome

by its bright green death-grip.
You told me it would die
if we put in on your night table,

and I didn't pick up on it when
your gaze held mine more than
a casual moment too long.

The surviving flog themselves.
There is a curse that allows
the memory to disgorge

every thoughtless act, each
unkind word ever visited upon
the dignity of the departed.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1368
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 09 Sep 2019, 20:07

Splendid writing..not crits...

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 09 Sep 2019, 21:11

Bob thank you. I rely on you my friend.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1574
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

#4 Post by Michael (MV) » 13 Sep 2019, 06:28

Strong,
Heathcliff-strong, esp the finale

Admirable the use of epic literary allusion -
station at the top to bookend with the finale.

Although a ring is in the form of s circle,
consider the word that is used in the dantean schema:

"Dante's Outer Circles"

Kenneth, I would hope that Dante scholars would admire your way in poetry referencing his masterpiece. Maybe there is a home for your poem in a Dante journal.

And what if your poem was translated into Italian; terza rima, quite possibly

😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Rings

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Sep 2019, 06:51

Thanks Michael. Circles it is. I have no great ambition for this. It was utilitarian for me; needed to be wtitten.

meenas17
Posts: 683
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#6 Post by meenas17 » 13 Sep 2019, 17:29

Michael has summed up the exquisiteness of the poem,by saying it will find a home in Dante journal.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#7 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Sep 2019, 19:04

Thank you meenas

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1574
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 01 Oct 2019, 22:54

nominated by MV:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=7644#p36075



Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 
 

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 01 Oct 2019, 23:20

Thank you

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1004
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#10 Post by SivaRamanathan » 04 Oct 2019, 17:54

I second Michael's nomination.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#11 Post by Kenneth2816 » 05 Oct 2019, 17:32

Thank you Siva

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#12 Post by Billy » 06 Oct 2019, 08:55

Great poem. Fix the typo in the 5th stanza, last line.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1177
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Dante's Outer Circles

#13 Post by Kenneth2816 » 13 Oct 2019, 00:43

Thanks Billy

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