Crossing Into South Carolina

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Crossing Into South Carolina

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 17 Oct 2019, 16:17

Driving back from the beach,
my new lover has her shoes off,
feet on the dash,seat back so
there's no other path the seatbelt
can take except right between
her breasts and it's distracting.
She catches me looking and says
"One's bigger than the other you know",
laughs and watches my face for
a reaction .I don't give one. She
leans close and tells me she has
names for them and I crack up.
"Well you'll have to introduce me "
I say and she mock punches
me on the shoulder and says "stop it."
The sign says Welcome to the Palmetto State.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1562
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Oct 2019, 01:47

A good, solid poem... the last line makes it zing

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 18 Oct 2019, 11:37

Thanks Bob

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#4 Post by Billy » 22 Oct 2019, 03:13

Good poem, reminds of my younger days. And brought to mind Faulkner's novel, "The Wild Palms" for some reason.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#5 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Oct 2019, 04:01

Thanks Billy

judyt547
Posts: 131
Joined: 17 Jan 2013, 19:46
Location: middle of the woods
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Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#6 Post by judyt547 » 03 Nov 2019, 17:22

I know this is old news by now, but in rereading it, I think I'd be inclinded to change "my new lover" to 'she" and let the reader discover her by the convo in the rest of the poem. Either way, I like it. The language is spot on.

meenas17
Posts: 694
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#7 Post by meenas17 » 03 Nov 2019, 19:44

Quiet distracting .
meenas17

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1621
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#8 Post by Michael (MV) » 03 Nov 2019, 23:41

Hi kennerh,

prelude as foreplay while crossing

enjoyed the youthful ride along

😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1181
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Crossing Into South Carolina

#9 Post by Kenneth2816 » 04 Nov 2019, 00:43

Thanks Meenas, Michael

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