How Far The River

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

How Far The River

#1 Post by Billy » 22 Oct 2019, 03:15

How Far The River

I hear it. A blues
song for all the leaving
anyone can stand.

The current a stubborn
child. No conscience
to hold it back. Driven

to arrive. Bumping into
fear, fish in the depths
never see the light.

The water muddy.
A whirlpool of illusions.
Banks lifted high as skirts.

BobBradshaw
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Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: How Far The River

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 Oct 2019, 04:54

Did you mean conscience instead of conscious? If not the line is confusing. Really like the last image of banks lifted high as skirts.

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Billy
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Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: How Far The River

#3 Post by Billy » 22 Oct 2019, 04:55

Hey, thanks Bob that was a slip of the unconscious. I'll change it.

Kenneth2816
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Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: How Far The River

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Oct 2019, 08:02

Great title. ..all the leaving anyone can stand.

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Billy
Posts: 952
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: How Far The River

#5 Post by Billy » 23 Oct 2019, 18:55

Thanks Kenneth

judyt547
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Re: How Far The River

#6 Post by judyt547 » 27 Oct 2019, 06:13

just a few thoughts, none of them anything more than personal taste--have you tried this with less punctuation?
sometimes a poem like this can run on line breaks, trusting the reader to make his own stops.

i.e.
the water muddy
a whirlpool of illusions
banks lifted high as skirts

no matter how you slice it, this is a marvelous poem.

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Billy
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Re: How Far The River

#7 Post by Billy » 28 Oct 2019, 21:53

Thanks Judy, sometimes I write with punctuation just because and realize later the poem doesn’t call for it.

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