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I Could Only Write This Today

I lie down
next to my father
we're looking up into the sky

a few drifting clouds
and the blue of forgetfulness.
I feel him thinking

like when I was a kid.
He'd be planning some new venture,
the one to make us rich.

Different this time in a way I'd never felt.
He's grey. He doesn't get up,
as if he's looking beyond

the thin veil of what can be in morning light.
I get up and move on. He's a part, now,
of something bigger than himself.

Wistful. Good insight into the man with just a few words This reads as if father has passed, but huge chunks 9f him remain with N. I think this is an intelligent piece

I had to read it more than once to get the shape of it. Carefully done.

I think if'n it were mine I'd eliminate "seems" from the fourth stanza.
"seems" and "as if" are really the same thing, spelled differently. =)

Thanks Kenneth.

Oh, you are so right, Judy, I wrote this directly into the post without rewrite, so it needs some touch-up. I just like to get stuff out, sometimes it doesn't need anything. I'll delete the "Seems". I've been trying to avoid a lot of nonessential words like: but, just, seems, etc., etc., etc.

Terrific poem, Billy....kudos

Billy, it's okay. Read what you write outloud, that's one sure way of catching most of the nits
before they ever get posted. For a first draft, this is excellent.

Another site has nominated it for IBPC. Thanks for commenting Bob andJudy.

Hi Bob

Title is esp integral here


Workshop-share -

He's grey, doesn't get up,
and he's looking beyond 


At the finale I'm hearing:

I get up and move on. He's a part, now, 
of something bigger than us both


Congrats on the nom-nod.
Does that mean that you will not have a poem available to represent The Writer's Block this current IBPC?

That is, are you going to represent for another IBPC board, and need not be considered for representing the WB.

Thanks, Billy



Michael (MV)

Thanks Michael, I will consider your suggestion.
I am representing another board. I haven't been nominated here anyway.

Bob nominated you

Oh I see that, but yes I’m with other board