Man on Moon

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BobBradshaw
Posts: 1529
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Man on Moon

#1 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2020, 01:16

Man on Moon


How I've longed to be that woman
folded within a man's arms
that I always see at an airport.

Others sweep by like water
past a creek's stone.
I stop and watch.

My arms hold the emptiness
of a sleepwalker
as I gaze at the moon

and wonder about the astronaut
shuffling across its chalky surface,
glancing down at the light

in my bedroom.
Who am I kidding?
Is love just a fantasy?

I’m a woman as plain
as a wall stripped of its paint.
He’s famous. Handsome.

Who then?
All that I long for
is the most common of lives—

to be loved, to be a wife,
a baby tethered inside me.
Why look to the moon

for answers?
I'm as lonely as Pluto,
having waited years

for a lover’s approach.
I imagine his heated entry,
his shuddering descent

my nerves trembling,
my world finally
discovered.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1607
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Man on Moon

#2 Post by Michael (MV) » 17 Feb 2020, 05:25

Hi Bob,

I'm hearing & seeing the finale as:

my nerves trembling,
my world finally
discovered


😎

Michael (MV)

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1529
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Man on Moon

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2020, 06:43

Thx, Michael.... discovered it is

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1129
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Man on Moon

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 17 Feb 2020, 20:48

Bob

This time also,I missed the first draft.

Siva

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1529
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Man on Moon

#5 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 Feb 2020, 22:04

The only difference is that the first version ended on "shared" instead of "discovered". Let me know which you prefer, shared or discovered, as the last line.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1129
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Man on Moon

#6 Post by SivaRamanathan » 18 Feb 2020, 20:58

To 'discover' is like 'creation' itself, a whole world out there,inviting.
Compared to this,'shared' is a milk and water word,it does not 'vibrate.'

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1529
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Man on Moon

#7 Post by BobBradshaw » 18 Feb 2020, 22:52

Thanks, Siva

capricorn
Posts: 333
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: Man on Moon

#8 Post by capricorn » 20 Feb 2020, 01:27

Thumbs up to discovered at the end - share would have a different intent.
Eira

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1529
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Man on Moon

#9 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Feb 2020, 05:17

Thx, Eira

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