Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1163
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 18:02

V i

2 tmcft water was released at Mettur Dam in summer
to save the standing crops from drying up.

Once when I was a child I have seen the water
rise up to the dam, level with the bridge.

I thought I was going to be submerged
and dead. But the train kept going over the tracks.

I have never seen water cover the river bed
after that. At one time both the banks must have been one.

I go to see the sun rise, but hear the heavy heaving sound
of sand-stealers. Every government needs its TASMAC

and sand business, I suppose.They keep their oxen healthy.
The oxen are driven to the river, they have to walk across the water

with cartloads of wet sand, they have to pull the load
out of the water. I fail to notice the white birds

with brown wings.I try to turn a blind eye
to the labouring animals.



















2 tmcft water was released at Mettur Dam, February 6th
8 pm, to save the standing crops from drying up.

Once when I was a child I have seen the water
rise up to the dam, level with the bridge.

I thought I was going to be submerged
and dead. But the train kept going over track.

I have never seen water cover the river bed
after that. At one time both the banks must have been one.

I see the sun rise, hear the heavy heaving sound
of sand-stealers. Every government needs

its TASMAC and sand business, I suppose.
They keep their oxen healthy. The oxen are driven

to the river, they have to walk across the water with cartloads
of wet sand, they have to pull the load out of the water.

I fail to notice the white birds with brown wings
I try to turn a blind eye to the laboring animals.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1556
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 22 May 2020, 21:24

Very nice...your work has paid off well. Only minor touches are needed.

nitpick: You need to change "over track" to "over the tracks". Maybe instead of "I thought", make it "I feared"?
Also, 2 tmcft if sounded out would be very long...maybe "millions of cubic feet of water" or a more abstract description...an endless waterfall of water? Look to shorten it somehow. You may need to lose the "February 6th". Another nitpick: you missed the period after "wings".

I love the ending "I try to turn a blind eye to the laboring animals."

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1163
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

#3 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 22:38

Thanks.I will edit this in broad daylight and you may go over it once again. Will come back to read your poems.I need to post in an online group at sharp midnight.
s

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1163
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Sunrise on the Cauvery at Pugalur

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 22 May 2020, 22:46

I thought this looked nice visually.
2 tmcft

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