Walking Home After School

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SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1163
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Walking Home After School

#1 Post by SivaRamanathan » 01 Jun 2020, 10:08

V1


We walked from East Fort to Manacaud
carrying books like babies close to our breasts
past the fort Tippu Sultan demolished
but was rebuilt in a day with red and white bricks,
past the local prison with rusted window grills
taking care not to peep into those formidable gates.
Friday’s incense wafted into the sky, the temple
where the elephant stood ready for its meal of coconut
leaves and country sugar, past the sight of the Singaporean
bungalow that invited brickbats from outer space,
and then home, back to the hibiscus shrubs and two sentinel
Asoka trees where I removed my convent shoes,
pulled off the sweating socks on the footsteps of the place
called home, stretching my legs with the hope of healing my blisters.
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We walked from East Fort to Manacaud
carrying book like babies close to our breasts
past the fort Tippu Sultan demolished
but was rebuilt in a day with red and white bricks,
past the local prison with rusted window grills
taking care not to peep into those formidable gates,
Friday’s incense wafted into the sky; past the temple
where the elephant stood ready for its meal of coconut
leaves and country sugar, the sight of the Singaporean
bungalow that invited brickbats from outer space,
and then home, back to the hibiscus shrubs and two sentinel
Asoka trees where I removed my convent shoes,
pulled off the sweating socks on the footsteps of the place
called home, stretching my legs with the hope of healing my blisters.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1556
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Walking Home After School

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 06 Jun 2020, 23:29

Very nice poem, Siva. I enjoyed it. There are some tweaks that I would suggest. 1) Make book plural 2) put a period after "gates" 3) then put a comma after sky, instead of a semicolon 4) put "past" before "the sight"

Best

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