Moving Heaven

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 1257
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Moving Heaven

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 22 Nov 2020, 18:04

In Tien Pho, I became God
as if a slow fat worm entered
my bloodstream, shedding its
white offspring until I was
infested with righteousness,
quick like a pupil dilates.

Then the Cong came in
after the 82nd inoculated,
chopped the arms off children,
piled them ilke cord wood,
inculcated the locals with
doctrine and dogma and rice.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 1714
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Moving Heaven

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 24 Nov 2020, 23:18

Strong poem. I like "infected with righteousness." The closing 2 lines work well, especially with the reference of "rice".

inculcated the locals with
doctrine and dogma and rice.

Michael (MV)
Posts: 1730
Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57

Re: Moving Heaven

#3 Post by Michael (MV) » 25 Nov 2020, 03:35

Hi Ken,

Workshop suggest for the finale:

indoctrinated the locals
with dogma and rice.


😎

Michael (MV)

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1257
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Moving Heaven

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Nov 2020, 08:14

Thanks guys

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