What if we do not go to the Forest, the Forest will come to Usi

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RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

What if we do not go to the Forest, the Forest will come to Usi

#1 Post by RamanathanSiva » 14 Dec 2020, 21:52

Did I tell you we have started our summer,
and because we are cooped up,
we do not know the Fahrenheit.

After breakfast, when I hung the laundry,
I looked up at the sky from the balcony.
changes were taking place.

Unusual cries of birds, hitherto unseen flashes
of wings, a woodpecker on the tip of an Arasa maram
who would find the gatekeepers of the forest, here?

Napping in my daughter’s room at noon, dusk steps in
the sky, what happens is a galatta of clouds, closing
and clearing bringing in an evening with showers.

We are at our living room balcony, there are trees
in our neighbour’s house which lend all their branches
to our apartment; the rains bring the forest view.

My daughter says, ’only yesterday I thought about woodpeckers
and when am I going to see one again?' There are other birds
cannot recall the names of. Miracles happen. Harbinger weather !

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: What if we do not go to the Forest, the Forest will come to Usi

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 20 Dec 2020, 02:42

A couple nits: you should place a period after maram and capitalize “who”.

Also at the end put an “I” before cannot.

A very pleasing poem.

RamanathanSiva
Posts: 127
Joined: 28 Aug 2020, 23:11

Re: What if we do not go to the Forest, the Forest will come to Usi

#3 Post by RamanathanSiva » 20 Dec 2020, 20:08

Thank you, Bob. I will make these edits.

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Billy
Posts: 1384
Joined: 22 Jun 2006, 10:56

Re: What if we do not go to the Forest, the Forest will come to Usi

#4 Post by Billy » 22 Dec 2020, 06:34

Yes, well-done, your voice is wonderful, I liked the dusk stepping in. I think you might come up with a better final stanza. No ideas at the moment but I will think on it and hopefully give you more constructive crit.

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