The Hag
She hooked onto me because I
was holding, her intuition sensed
the vapidity. Toothless in the front,
a gap the size of the gates to hell.
A sweet, hillbilly drawl. Up here
from Tennessee. Arms scarred
by the needle. She must have put
a spell on me for I was smitten.
Her bony arm around mine the rest
of the night. She asked me to shoot
her up wherever blood would rise
like a turbid serpent under her
skin. I cherished in her the same
need to experience what our bodies
could take and give back, what might
remain to tell us we were still human.
I remembered something and decided to write my own Hag
The Hag
-
- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: The Hag
Poignant. The appealing touch at the end. Very strong piece.
I love this:
Toothless in the front,
a gap the size of the gates to hell.
The serpent image is also well constructed.
It’s the compassionate tone that speaks volumes, and draws us in.
I love this:
Toothless in the front,
a gap the size of the gates to hell.
The serpent image is also well constructed.
It’s the compassionate tone that speaks volumes, and draws us in.
-
- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: The Hag
"The needle & the damage done " --Neil Yoing
Hi Billy,
Much in accord w/ Bob
I workshop suggest without "size":
. . . Toothless in the front,
the dark gap the gates to hell
or
. . . Toothless in the front,
the dark gap to hell
^^ gap is surrogate to "gate"
.
Hi Billy,
Much in accord w/ Bob
I workshop suggest without "size":
. . . Toothless in the front,
the dark gap the gates to hell
or
. . . Toothless in the front,
the dark gap to hell
^^ gap is surrogate to "gate"
.
Re: The Hag
Thanks Bob, Michael.
I will consider your suggestion Michael. I was thinking the way to hell is broad, to heaven narrow. So size of gap is big.
I will consider your suggestion Michael. I was thinking the way to hell is broad, to heaven narrow. So size of gap is big.