It Is Credibility

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

It Is Credibility

#1 Post by meenas17 » 26 Feb 2021, 19:13

Listing my requirements
I call my grocer
who records my message
delivers the goods
at the doorstep.

So does my tailor
who pays a visit
either to take orders
or deliver the same
at home.

That could be said of the
famous Saree house
who send in the new arrivals,
I decide, he then sends the bill
with matching blouse material.

Such is the way I go about
with my credibility holding high
the vendors do not bother me
nor do I compare the prices.
It is mutual trust that reigns.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2688
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: It Is Credibility

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 26 Feb 2021, 21:49

The contrasts between your culture and this one is interesting...both the pros and cons. This one being a thumb's up. I would look to strengthen the verbs, and to enhance on the actions...give us details, for example the spices, the type of rice, etc.

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: It Is Credibility

#3 Post by meenas17 » 27 Feb 2021, 17:54

I did want to give the details but felt it would become too elaborate.
I will post a revision with the names of the spices and the varieties of rice I order.
Thanks, Bob.
meenas17

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