May Day Haiku
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
May Day Haiku
Sun strong on my face
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
I lean into her
as she supports the ladder
her fragrance rises
her blonde hair brushes
my hand in a stroke of care
of intimacy
******
Sun strong on my face
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
I lean into her
she supports the ladder well
her fragrance rises
blonde hair brushes me,
and a stroke of loving care
in intimacy
*Schat' literally translated 'treasure', meaning: darling,
informally used as a name. Italicised as a foreign word (NL.).
Not sure if 'painting' is better, some loathe '-ing' words.
Sun strong on my face
painting the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
*****
Sun strong in my face
painting the fence ‘Autumn Gold’.
She holds the ladder.
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
I lean into her
as she supports the ladder
her fragrance rises
her blonde hair brushes
my hand in a stroke of care
of intimacy
******
Sun strong on my face
I paint the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
I lean into her
she supports the ladder well
her fragrance rises
blonde hair brushes me,
and a stroke of loving care
in intimacy
*Schat' literally translated 'treasure', meaning: darling,
informally used as a name. Italicised as a foreign word (NL.).
Not sure if 'painting' is better, some loathe '-ing' words.
Sun strong on my face
painting the fence 'Autumn Gold'
Schat steadies the steps
*****
Sun strong in my face
painting the fence ‘Autumn Gold’.
She holds the ladder.
Re: May Day
I like this haiku a lot, Frank, wouldn't change a thing.
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- Posts: 2157
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: May Day
Hi Frank,
haiku or haiku-like micro-poem (not all micro-poems are haiku specific, and do not need to be)
And, Yes, I, too, like & admire your poem here.
The male(animus) & female(anima) in composition not competition; maybe
that prompts my workshop-share: consider with phantom punctuation -
sun strong in my face
painting the fence autumn-gold
she holds the ladder
Frank, do you know of Haikuniverse: https://haikuniverse.com/submit/
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: May Day
I thought you two might like it.
My thoughts are this as a preference:
MAY DAY
My thoughts are this as a preference:
MAY DAY
Re: May Day
It has haiku syllable count of 5/7/5 but haiku do not have titles
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: May Day Haiku
Thank you Mena.