Upcoming October IBPC 2016:

[Michael (MV)]

any newcomers or returnees this month, Welcome!

and here is a home link to the IBPC rules: http://ibpc.webdelsol.com/rules



In this thread, from the poems posted in the workshop forum during the course of the month, recommend/nominate by title & author.

Nominated poets, please acknowledge the nomination here in this thread.
Please reply by accepting or declining the nomination - in this thread.

Please note & observe: This is not a workshopping thread.

In this thread, poems that are ultimately selected to represent the Block are then posted here
as the author would like for the poem to be forwarded
along with all IBPC required info.

When the 1-3 poems are decided upon, and permission granted by each author of the selected poems,

along with all the info needed by each author:



1/Your name

2/e-mail address

3/statement that the poem is your original

4/and unpublished work

5/and that you are not representing in the current IBPC

6/and the poem as you would like it forwarded to the finals.

^^ All of the above is the usual needed info as part of the process.


I will then forward the 1-3 to the IBPC finals.



Thanks,

Michael (MV)

[FranktheFrank]

I nominate:



2. BobBradshaw's How dd it Go

[BobBradshaw]

Thanks for the nom, Frank...

Bob Bradshaw
email: bobbybradshw@yahoo.com
the poem is original and isn't posted anywhere else for a nomination

How Did It Go


To return to the cottage your family rented each summer
is like crossing into a foreign country,
the warm sighs of waves rocking against the shores
drowned out by a nearby club’s punk rock band.

You return to a sky no longer dusted with constellations,
but to one lost in a fog of city lights.
Is this where you and Sally crooned Beatles’ songs?
Here, where lyrics are lost in a haze of dangerous noise?

To return, you were sure, would invigorate you,
but your soul remains as washed out as the night sky.
As you did fifty years ago, you wander outside for a smoke.
The stars have vanished, like the nightingale.
Can you still mimic its whistle? How did it go?

[FranktheFrank]

Hi Bob, I see you have posted,

Michael seems to think his guidelines are sufficiently instructive as they are.

I would tend to post here after a nomination, but is that correct,
or should we wait for Michael to nominate.

I hope Michael will clarify.

Hopefully, no offence to you Bob.

[Michael (MV)]

I prefer that in this thread, the only 3 poems to appear are the three that are selected.

Nominated is not selected; nominated is recommended.


Bob's poem happens to be one of the 3 I have selected.

The other 2 are Siva's Grandmothers Avvakai;

and 9-15-2001 (a song of experience)

^^ neither of these 2 have been specifically nominated in the Palaver thread; but it's not necessary that a poem be specifically nominated in the Palaver monthly thread.

Sometimes, the recommendation has been voiced earlier in the month, prior to the monthly IBPC thread @ Palaver;
sometimes the recommendation doesn't get moved over to Palaver.


To expedite this month, I'm have coupled the recommendation & selection process.


I hope Siva's poem is available to represent according to all the usual IBPC requirements; mine is.


A safe & wonderful weekend to every one

Michael (MV)

 
 
 
 
 

[Michael (MV)]

 
Thanks, Bob,

in the future please wait until notification of selection. Thanks, Bob.

Also,

"the poem is original and isn't posted anywhere else for a nomination"

^^ how about a statement specifically stating that you don't have a poem representing any other board.

Thanks, Bob.


Thanks for accepting to represent the Writer's Block, and Good Luck in the finals,

Michael (MV)

Thanks for the nom, Frank...

Bob Bradshaw
email: bobbybradshw@yahoo.com
the poem is original and isn't posted anywhere else for a nomination

How Did It Go


To return to the cottage your family rented each summer
is like crossing into a foreign country,
the warm sighs of waves rocking against the shores
drowned out by a nearby club’s punk rock band.

You return to a sky no longer dusted with constellations,
but to one lost in a fog of city lights.
Is this where you and Sally crooned Beatles’ songs?
Here, where lyrics are lost in a haze of dangerous noise?

To return, you were sure, would invigorate you,
but your soul remains as washed out as the night sky.
As you did fifty years ago, you wander outside for a smoke.
The stars have vanished, like the nightingale.
Can you still mimic its whistle? How did it go?

 
 
 
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

'Grandma's Avvakai' is my original poem.I am not representing any other board.My e-mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.

Grandmothers Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine,
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder,
ample gingili oil that holds it all together.
to increase the shelf life.No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

[FranktheFrank]

L3 chilli: colon
L5 space before No substitutions
L11 squatted not squat
L11 mouths and jars must agreed, plural
S5 L1 led not lead

Changes above necessary

[Michael (MV)]

 
Frank, Siva, and et al:


Frank,

Thank you for your watchful proofreading, although I'm not in complete accord with 2 items:

Yes, space before No substitutions
Yes, squatted not squat
Yes, led not lead

L11 mouths and jars must agreed, plural

^^ or rephrase as: she gagged the mouth of each jar with muslin.

If "chilli" is an ingredient listed in a series, then comma would be correct.

I'm adding:
because there are many words in passage before arriving to "brine,"
then I'm suggesting a semicolon after "brine."


and, Yes, Siva, Please asap, you do need to attend to these via the edit mode where your poem is posted at Palaver. Thanks.


Be it my ageing eye anatomy, and physical & emotional health in general, I miss typos, even after I have already found some.
Maybe we tend to read-over mechanical errors, automatically correctly them as we read along.

Frank, Thanks for being communal & bringing these details to our attention.

Sincerely,

Michael (MV)

L3 chilli: colon
L5 space before No substitutions
L11 squatted not squat
L11 mouths and jars must agreed, plural
S5 L1 led not lead

Changes above necessary

 
 
 
  
 
 

[FranktheFrank]

All done to help Siva compete, it's a good poem.

No disrespect to you Michael, I miss them myself and far too often.

Thank you for accepting help in the spirit of workshopping.

best

Frank

[meenas17]

I am following Michael's and Frank's edits of "Grandmother's Avakkai".
Great efforts.
The three of you Siva, Michael and Frank have made a recipe of a pickle into a good poem.
Avakkai is one of my favourite pickles, but the story behind Siva's is different.
It is the protagonist-- the grandmother who wins our heart though foul-mouthed.
Well done, Siva. Hope you come out in flying colours.

Best .

[Michael (MV)]

"and, Yes, Siva, Please asap, you do need to attend to these via the edit mode where your poem is posted at Palaver. Thanks."

 Here is the link to the entry in the thread where your poem is posted here at Palaver:

viewtopic.php?f=3&t=6359#p27559


Thanks,

Michael (MV)

 
Frank, Siva, and et al:


Frank,

Thank you for your watchful proofreading, although I'm not in complete accord with 2 items:

Yes, space before No substitutions
Yes, squatted not squat
Yes, led not lead

L11 mouths and jars must agreed, plural

^^ or rephrase as: she gagged the mouth of each jar with muslin.

If "chilli" is an ingredient listed in a series, then comma would be correct.

I'm adding:
because there are many words in passage before arriving to "brine,"
then I'm suggesting a semicolon after "brine."


and, Yes, Siva, Please asap, you do need to attend to these via the edit mode where your poem is posted at Palaver. Thanks.


Be it my ageing eye anatomy, and physical & emotional health in general, I miss typos, even after I have already found some.
Maybe we tend to read-over mechanical errors, automatically correctly them as we read along.

Frank, Thanks for being communal & bringing these details to our attention.

Sincerely,

Michael (MV)

L3 chilli: colon
L5 space before No substitutions
L11 squatted not squat
L11 mouths and jars must agreed, plural
S5 L1 led not lead

Changes above necessary

 
 
 
  
 
 

[Michael (MV)]

9-15-2001 (a song of experience) is my original, unpublished poem; and there is not another poem of my authorship representing any other board in the current October IBPC 2016.


By that Saturday
morning, another small

son powers off
The Mighty Morphin Rangers,
slams down the remote,
and demands --

"Where is my father
you said he'd be home by now?"


By mid-morning snack
a loss of appetite for PB&J
and the last he saw
in cartoons or staying tuned for
more make believe

superheroes,
as he changed stations
and searched with the rescue
workers in HD on the big screen.

[Michael (MV)]

Siva,

here is checklist of the items to attend to:

1/ apostrophe for the possessive: Grandmother's

^^ Also, you have posted here in the IBPC thread

'Grandma's Avvakai' is my original poem. . . .

but then the poem starts

Grandmothers Avvakai


^^ Is it to be Grandma's both times; or, Grandmother's both times; or, Grandma's and then Grandmother's.

Or you might consider, Grandmother's in the title space; then Grandma's for the recipe entry.


2/ semicolon after "brine"
3/ semicolon after "powder"
4/ no period after "together"

5/
ample gingili oil holds it together
and increases the shelf life. No substitutions.

^^ Siva, in your current construction - "that holds" & the infinitive "to increase" - is not balanced; thus I have suggested the above.

Siva, since you will be in edit mode, you might consider "extend" or "prolong" instead of "increases."

"prolong" would later play with "Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes."

Siva, your call there; or actually, the poem's call. But you the author decide on that workshop change.
"increase" is adequate; but "prolong" might be more precise to this poem.


However, the other fore-mentioned and the next 3 on the checklist are necessary b/c these are proofreading issues - grammaticals that need to be corrected.


6/ squatted


7/
make the grammatical correction to "mouths"; or maybe, rephrase as: she gagged the mouth of each jar with muslin.

^^again your call on the rephrase - that's a work-shopping

one or the other - "mouths" or the rephrase


8/ led


asap Please

Thanks, Siva

Michael (MV)

'Grandma's Avvakai' is my original poem.I am not representing any other board.My e-mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.

Grandmothers Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine,
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder,
ample gingili oil that holds it all together.
to increase the shelf life.No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squat in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouth of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity lead me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

[SivaRamanathan]

S.O.S
Michael
It is not that I do not have the patience,but frankly I don't quite follow.I agree to all that you say,and it is to much to ask you to do this,but can someone who understands Michael help me.
I have also requested a professional editor, but it is difficult to get him/her to do urgent work.
Thanks Siva

[BobBradshaw]

No problem, Michael. Sorry for posting in the wrong place.

'How Did it Go' is not nominated in any other board.

Best, Bob

[Michael (MV)]

Hi Siva,

in reply to your call for assistance, I will make the corrections.

I can't activate editorial mode on an entry you or anyone else has initially posted;
but I can quote-mode, and make the corrections.

Again, this is in response to your "S.O.S."

Hopefully, in the future we can tend to these details while the poem is still in the workshop forum.

We see now how much more efficient it is to complete the workshopping process, proofing, and fine-tuning before hurrying the poem over to Palaver.

Suggestion: when a poem has been recommended/nominated, then the author should start the final revision/editing process in the event the poem is indeed selected to be one of the three.

If a poem is selected to be one of the three, and the author still needs additional workshop/editorial assistance, then call on the workshop members for assistance, while the poem is still in the workshop forum.

It might actually be in violation of the rules to call on an outside professional editor;
therefore, I don't recommend that option. Thanks.

Sincerely,

Michael (MV)

S.O.S
Michael
It is not that I do not have the patience,but frankly I don't quite follow.I agree to all that you say,and it is to much to ask you to do this,but can someone who understands Michael help me.
I have also requested a professional editor, but it is difficult to get him/her to do urgent work.
Thanks Siva

 
 
 
 
 

[Michael (MV)]

 
Siva (et al)

Again, this is in response to Siva's "S.O.S."

These are proofreading/grammatical corrections - no major workshop revisions/rephrasing.


in the service & interest of preparing to forward & present our 3 to the October IBPC finals,

Michael (MV)

"Grandmother's Avvakai" is my original poem.I am not representing any other board.My e-mail id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.

Grandma's Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;;
ample gingili oil holds it together
and increases the shelf life. No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squatted in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouths of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity led me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

''Grandmother's Avvakai'' is my original poem. I am not representing any other board.
My email id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.



Grandmother’s Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil that holds it together
and prolongs the shelf life. No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squatted in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouths of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity led me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

[Michael (MV)]

 
Thanks, Siva, posting the corrected final in a fresh entry. Its original entry had turned into a palimpsest    
and that's what we hope to avoid by the time the selected poem reaches Palaver.

That said, however, I must suggest, since the superscript is lengthy, it needs to remain italicized to set it off, like a prelude to the poem proper.
Perhaps you just forgot to italicize this time around.

and there's inconsistency with the punctuation in the title. Just put the entire title in quotation marks.

yielding:

"Grandmother's Avvakai"   is my original poem . . . .


Grandmother’s Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil that holds it together
and prolongs the shelf life. No substitutions.


Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;

Siva, after you log-in, select the edit button on the lower right of this entry, and then make the minor modifications.

Thanks,

Michael (MV)

‘Grandmother's "Avvakai’ is my original poem. I am not representing any other board.
My email id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.



Grandmother’s Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil that holds it together
and prolongs the shelf life. No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seed intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squatted in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouths of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity led me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

 
 
 
 

[SivaRamanathan]

''Grandmother's Avvakai'' is my original poem. I am not representing any other board.
My email id is sivakamivelliangiri@gmail.com.



Grandmother’s Avvakai

Mangoes diced with seeds intact
tossed with salt to offset osmosis of brine;
chilli, fried fenugreek and mustard powder;
ample gingili oil that holds it together
and prolongs the shelf life. No substitutions.


Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seeds intact with a fulcrum knife.

She squatted in the foyer with porcelain jars
lined up like the seven virgins at a shrine.

Her vocabulary was foul, but her hands were clean;
she gagged the mouths of these jars with muslin.

Three or four months in the store room,
then they rode to Madras along with cattle in a lorry.

My childhood curiosity led me to peep in
on those afternoons when Kitchaan and the house slept.

Grandma had swear words as long as her ear lobes.
She let them loose whenever she could not
hold fast to her wander-lust husband.

Two things remain in my memory -
the smell of fried mustard, and the long list of
her husband's sly-widow paramours.

[SivaRamanathan]

MIchael
I have posted my final version.I promise not to repeat this in the future. I now understand how much pains you take to make perfect before submitting,thus respecting a common place and also keeping up the worth of the forum.
Thanks you and sorry for putting you to so much minute work which I could not follow last night,but now it makes sense.
Siva

[SivaRamanathan]

Michael
Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seeds intact

originally I had written
seed intact

[SivaRamanathan]

Thank you Michael for standing by me.

Siva

[Michael (MV)]

 
Siva,

All this time, I had not noticed that.
 
Thanks, Siva for noticing & correcting that typo.


Good Lick in the finals.



Michael (MV)

Michael
Grandma had the mangoes sliced,
seeds intact

originally I had written
seed intact