The Chickens Around

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meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

The Chickens Around

#1 Post by meenas17 » 16 May 2017, 07:35

Shaded in pink, red, green and yellow
the chickens wander around the garden
a real-time recreation.

They dig through the soil, feed on the worms
drive the squirrels, cackle and chuckle
enlivening the household.

The pink and the red die early.
The duo, green and yellow has shed the paint
Look imposing in white.

They walk past like rowdies. Whistle boisterously.
Swoop low and attack the maid. Nudge the cook while he sleeps.
Skip and dance with the gardener.

A hound devours the robust chicken.
The loner strides around with freedom.
He is the uncrowned prince.

Shortlived is his liberty. He lies in the cage
exhausted..Weak to rise, he slips.
He succumbs to an unknown ailment.

All too sudden is his departure.
meenas17

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: The Chickens Around

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 17 May 2017, 09:47

I really like the strong, action verbs in this poem. I like the use of colors as well. To get more emotion into the poem, you may want to get the narrator personally involved from the poem's beginning. That could give the final death a more personal impact...

meenas17
Posts: 822
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: The Chickens Around

#3 Post by meenas17 » 18 May 2017, 06:40

That is a strong point, Bob.
I will modify the poem accordingly.
meenas17

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