Alien

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Alien

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 17 Nov 2017, 03:59

A pump in his pocket keeps him alive,
bilge of old sea water from a dying planet.
He drops a quarter in the meter each hour.

They opened his chest once. The doctor
didn't like what he saw, so he removed
what mattered: a silver coin, old pocket
watch, and a portrait of the Queen.
Each was examined, photographed
sent to NASA for testing.

At night he slips his human skin, hangs
it in the closet next to his one good suit
he keeps for court dates and funerals.

He is ancient, even by earth standards.
There's been no transmission in decades.


But when he's alone, blinds pulled, doors
and windows locked, he is free
to be what he is: a fish faced monster
with Raptor scales who drinks Dewar's,
listens to Mozart, searches the lonely skies.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Alien

#2 Post by Bernie01 » 17 Nov 2017, 22:23

Kenneth---


i wanted to move on quickly, i'm anything but a science fiction fan. but i kept coming back, and back.

but this so "human."

He is ancient, even by earth standards.
There's been no transmission in decades.
Everyone he has ever known has died.


my line,

every body I know
by first name is dead.



the best of any genre, is the ability to create in terms of human emotion, --fear, love, acceptance, remorse, rejection...etc.

this poem does that. indeed, like the movie Alien, which i saw many times.

congrats.


bernie

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Alien

#3 Post by Kenneth2816 » 17 Nov 2017, 23:03

Its good to see you back Bernie. I do recall that stellar line.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Alien

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 18 Nov 2017, 19:23

Bernie out of respect for you, I removed that line.
My memory " I am the oldest living person I know by first name." Its possible i picked it up unconsciously.

Bernie01
Posts: 777
Joined: 30 Jul 2015, 11:14

Re: Alien

#5 Post by Bernie01 » 18 Nov 2017, 21:45

Oh Kenneth---

please don't remove that line...in no way does it infringe....i mentioned my line only as a comparison...you found another way to say something important that i never thought.

bernie

Kenneth2816
Posts: 1619
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Alien

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Nov 2017, 03:51

Eh. OK.

Post Reply