Turning Back
Turning Back
Original
Decimals and fractions
crowd my mind.
Formulas and equations
come in rows.
Punctuations and propositions
crisscross with a drag.
Spellings and grammar
keep me at bay.
Am restless all the more
never at peace.
It is the school days,
I relive.
I go behind in decades
without any hesitation.
Love to stay for a while
as the years so far,
and those yet to come
make me tired.
Revision
Decimals and fractions
crowd my mind.
Formulas and equations
come in rows.
Punctuations and prepositions
crisscross with a drag.
Spellings and grammar
keep me at bay.
Am restless all the more
never at peace.
It is the school days,
I relive.
It is a retrospection
without any hesitation.
Life prolongs.Tired, I carry on.
Future seems bleak.
Decimals and fractions
crowd my mind.
Formulas and equations
come in rows.
Punctuations and propositions
crisscross with a drag.
Spellings and grammar
keep me at bay.
Am restless all the more
never at peace.
It is the school days,
I relive.
I go behind in decades
without any hesitation.
Love to stay for a while
as the years so far,
and those yet to come
make me tired.
Revision
Decimals and fractions
crowd my mind.
Formulas and equations
come in rows.
Punctuations and prepositions
crisscross with a drag.
Spellings and grammar
keep me at bay.
Am restless all the more
never at peace.
It is the school days,
I relive.
It is a retrospection
without any hesitation.
Life prolongs.Tired, I carry on.
Future seems bleak.
meenas17
Re: Turning Back
M---
a melancholy tone, i think of aging---and ask what use all our learning.
excellent poem.
bernie
a melancholy tone, i think of aging---and ask what use all our learning.
excellent poem.
bernie
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Turning Back
Very nice... but change line to “I go back decades”...
“as the years so far” is awkward... so work on that line...a small bit of wok and you’ll haves fine poem... already enjoyable
“as the years so far” is awkward... so work on that line...a small bit of wok and you’ll haves fine poem... already enjoyable
Re: Turning Back
Thanks, Bernie.
I want to go back in years, play like a school girl.
An impossibility!.
I carry on.
Meena.
I want to go back in years, play like a school girl.
An impossibility!.
I carry on.
Meena.
meenas17
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- Posts: 1986
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Turning Back
Meena, full marks for spelling, punctuation and grammar.
I like the layout, very good, regular.
L5 You mean prepositions?
The poem is about older people
their thoughts revealing and revelling
in memories of an earlier life
an almost sacred time.
Well done.
p.s. Maybe: love to dwell
You need to split the last strophe
to make it regular.
I like the layout, very good, regular.
L5 You mean prepositions?
The poem is about older people
their thoughts revealing and revelling
in memories of an earlier life
an almost sacred time.
Well done.
p.s. Maybe: love to dwell
You need to split the last strophe
to make it regular.
-
- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Turning Back
Hi Meena, the last stanza isn’t guise there yet... how about something more straight forward, maybe:
I linger as long as I can,
the future already tiring
or
I linger as long as I can,
the future already
discouraging
I linger as long as I can,
the future already tiring
or
I linger as long as I can,
the future already
discouraging
Re: Turning Back
Bob,
Yes, I was not sure as how to modify the stanza.
I am deliberating. You have shown the way to alter the lines.
I will redo and submit.
Thanks.
Meena.
Yes, I was not sure as how to modify the stanza.
I am deliberating. You have shown the way to alter the lines.
I will redo and submit.
Thanks.
Meena.
meenas17