Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
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Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
The irises have broken ground,
The philodendron has tendriled.
I turn back.The day is too beautiful.
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
The irises have broken ground,
The philodendron has tendriled.
I turn back.The day is too beautiful.
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- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
Better....it works for me
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
Honestly, I don't think I care about this. I've not written in a long while.It just sort of popped into my head
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Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
Hi Kenneth,
revise/abbreviate the title; for example, "finding motivation"
"laces undone for the edema."
^^ most young people don't understand that - probably not time yet (a time to be young)
This poem is Spring @ the P of V of a senior - someone who has seen the spring-rise many times before (and still like the very first time
I'm 60, and still experience the rush of Easter & Spring like during in my concert-going days
^^ my epithet these days: the youngest senior
edema
has freed
my laces
slip-ons
and offs
(serendipitious that your revision appears Thursday May 10, 2018, same as this occasion:
https://www.msn.com/en-ca/news/world/10 ... ar-AAx467k)
"The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun"
^^ creative enjamb on "safari" - resouceful, "safari" as noun & then as adjective modifying "helmut"
prompting me to workshop-suggest in lieu of "wears":
The meter man sports a safari
helmet against the sun
^^ fun for the alliteration, too
"The irises have broken ground,
The philodendron has tendriled."
^^ Hopkinsesque - esp "tendriled" - prompting me to workshop-share sans the article "The" & the auxiliary "has":
Irises have broken ground,
The philodendron, tendriled.
workshop share for the finale as:
The day is too beautiful to turn back
I leave the poem hearing a variation on James Taylor's:
"I've seen sunny days that I thought would never end"
^^ I see sunny days I believe will never end
Michael (MV)
in heaven
there is no sunset
the Son is always on the rise
Kenneth2816 wrote:If only for the sake of Tuesday
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I organize my pills by color :
white, blue, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wears a safari
helmet against the sun,
tabulates this month's
abuse of power.
The irises have broken ground,
The philodendron has tendriled.
I turn back.The day is too beautiful.
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- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
You do not need this line
The day is too beautiful.
The day is too beautiful.
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
^^ thank you guys
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Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
Cannot compete with Michael's critique,
I like the revision.
I like the revision.
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
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Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
This could go to the IBPC too. For the simple reason that it isn't just another poem.
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Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
MV I like your finish better than mine.
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Trying to Get Motivate Now That it's Spring. Revised
Siva. That's very thoughtful. I honestly font think it very good, certainly not s contender for ibpc