Gigging on the French Broad. Revised

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Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Gigging on the French Broad. Revised

#1 Post by Kenneth2816 » 18 Jul 2018, 07:59

Fust thing y'all need to know 'bout giggin is a snake's eyes is yeller,
an' a frog's is green."

The first time Filmore went, he was around my age. Gigged a snake and flipped it into the boat. It loosed its tines, did barrel rolls, hissed and twisted until they whacked it in two with oars.

He is a colored man who works for my father. Pop pays him to do things like this or take me on my paper route, stuff he was too busy for.

Pop didn't care much for the colored,but being a Deacon and a Democrat , he thought it'd look good.

Fillmore didn't care. "I do just bout anything Mr. Harry say. "

The bulls come out right about sunset, lay in under the bank, their bulbous bodies are suspended under water so only their eyes can be seen.

 Filmore has a tin cup to scoop the eggs. "Po man's caviar"
he says, douses some with hot sauce, and I gag watching him slurp.


You float along real quiet and shine a spot light in their eyes ."It stunts 'em so you can float right up on "em 
gig ' em just below the chin". 

This was the year of
"Freedom Summer"
when college kids mostly from the north,came to Mississippi to help register coloreds to vote .Pop said he "hoped they didn't bring that shit to North Carolina. "

I watched on TV. Three civil rights workers were murdered by the Klan.

I tried to talk to Fillmore but he said "some things jest best be left alone"

You eat the legs. A full grown bull is ten inches from nose to toes, and can hit a nine foot leap.

The "gig" is a three pronged spear looks like that cartoon where the devil is on one shoulder whispering into an ear, pitchfork
jutting upright, an angel on the other shoulder. 

I never went to school with colored kids until this past year. Pop said "play with 'em, be nice,
but never bring one
home after school."

Filmore carries a hawk bill folding knife with
half a match stick between the blade and the case so it can be flicked open like a switch blade.They say he cut another colored man.

We leave just at day break, two burlap sacks of legs. 

Mama rolls them in flour and fries them in hot Wesson oil. Pop says they taste like chicken.

The heat makes muscle and sinew contract,legs start moving a little, then jerk violently, almost coming out of the pan;

like a wild thing and free, hung by prongs, writhing, eyes dialated in terror, willing to see its own body beaten and broken rather than be caught




























Fust thing y'all need to know 'bout giggin is a snake's eyes is green."

The first time Fillmore went, he was around my age. Gigged a snake and flipped it into the boat. It loosed its tines, did barrel rolls, hissed and twisted until he and his uncle started whacking at it with oars
until they split a seam and capsized.

He is a colored man, a day laborer for my father, and Pop pays him to do things like this or take me on my paper route every Tuesday. Pop didn't care much for the colored,but being a Baptist and a pillar of the community, he thought it'd look good.
I loved Fillmore


Fillmore didn't care. "I do just bout anything Mr. Harry say. "

On this night, I'm 13 and never killed nothing yet.
The bulls come out right about sunset, lay in under the bank, their bulbous bodies are suspended under water so only their eyes can be seen.

You float along real quiet and shine a spot light in their eyes ."It stunts 'em so you can float right up on "em
gig ' em just below the chin".

You eat the legs. A full grown bull measures at ten inches from nose to toes, and can hit a nine foot leap.

The "gig" is a three pronged spear thing, looks like that cartoon where the devil is on one shoulder whispering into an ear
pitchfork jutting upright, and an angel on the other shoulder.

We leave just at day break, two burlap sacks of legs.

Mama rolls them in flour and fries then in hot Wesson oil. Pop says they taste like chicken, but Ill nevet eat one.
The heat makes muscle and sinew contract,legs start moving a little, then jerk violently, almost coming out of the pan, like a reptile hung by prongs, writhing, eyes dialated in terror, willing to see its own body break in two rather than be caught.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#2 Post by FranktheFrank » 18 Jul 2018, 09:44

Brilliant,
pure Huckleberry Finn.

BobBradshaw
Posts: 901
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 19 Jul 2018, 00:37

Enjoyed as well...

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#4 Post by Kenneth2816 » 19 Jul 2018, 10:43

Thanks guys.Certainly not my best work. It's harder to write a true event poem than to just make one up, I think.

meenas17
Posts: 466
Joined: 23 Mar 2014, 11:27

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#5 Post by meenas17 » 20 Jul 2018, 20:06

Nice poem.
meenas17

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#6 Post by Kenneth2816 » 20 Jul 2018, 20:31

Thank you meenas

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Jul 2018, 02:34

Ken, another contender in my eyes
but can you sort out the line lengths.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#8 Post by Kenneth2816 » 29 Jul 2018, 18:57

I have a revision to do on this.
Maybe next month

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 890
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#9 Post by SivaRamanathan » 29 Jul 2018, 19:34

and fries then --a typo

Enjoyed reading this. I almost want to write one like this.

S

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#10 Post by Kenneth2816 » 30 Jul 2018, 02:58

Ty Siva

IndianaDP
Posts: 145
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#11 Post by IndianaDP » 03 Aug 2018, 19:17

Nice detail, I think I’m now well prepared to go gigging.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#12 Post by Kenneth2816 » 04 Aug 2018, 23:26

Siva, Dale. Thank you

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#13 Post by FranktheFrank » 10 Aug 2018, 09:51

I hope you will edit line lengths ready for the end of month Ken.
I hope this will goto the IBPC this month.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#14 Post by Kenneth2816 » 10 Aug 2018, 18:08

Frank ,Idk exactly what your suggestion is

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#15 Post by FranktheFrank » 10 Aug 2018, 21:07

I thought you had a problem with your phone.
If you are ahappy and intend this spacing and line length, then so be it.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#16 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Aug 2018, 01:00

I am not happy with thr poem and intend a major revision

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#17 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Aug 2018, 02:12

I can mess about with the lines if you like
I think it's great. I don't think you should
change much. It's original, interesting,
and a very good voice. A voice you
could develop in other poems.
It's uniquely American, kind of Appalachian,
of a certain time in US history.

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#18 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Aug 2018, 03:25

Sure. Id like to see that

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1281
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#19 Post by FranktheFrank » 11 Aug 2018, 11:13

["]Fust thing y'all need to know 'bout giggin
is a snake's eyes is green." The first time Fillmore went,
he was around my age. Gigged a snake and flipped
it into the boat. It loosed its tines, did barrel rolls,
hissed and twisted until he and his uncle started
whacking at it with oars [de ore or the ores or his ores]
until they split a seam and capsized.

He is a colored man, a day laborer for my father, [He's coloured, a day labourer . . . for my pa]]
and Pop pays him to do things like this or take [cut the 'and' at beginning of sentence]
me on my paper route every Tuesday. Pop didn't
care much for the colored, but being a Baptist [maybe: for coloured folk]
and a pillar of the community, he thought it'd look good.
I loved Fillmore. [maybe loved is too much to admit, maybe 'thought the world' of something else - your choice]

Fillmore didn't care. "I do just bout anything Mr. Harry say." ['bout] [says?]
On this night, I'm 13[,] and never killed nothing yet.
The bulls come out right about sunset, lay in under the bank,
their bulbous bodies are suspended under water

[this line lapses into standard English maybe:
. . . lay under the bank,
bulbous bodies suspended under the water]
so only their eyes can be seen. [pops out de water]

You float along real quiet and shine a spot light in their eyes .
"It stunts 'em so you can float right up on "em [you mean stuns 'em?]
gig ' em just below the chin".
["It stuns 'em so you can float right up on 'em,
gig 'em just under de chin".]

You eat the legs. A full grown bull [measures at] is ten inches
from nose to toes, and can hit a nine foot leap.
The "gig" is a three pronged spear thing, looks
like that cartoon where the devil is on one shoulder
whispering into an ear, pitchfork jutting upright,
and an angel on the other shoulder.

We leave just at day break, two burlap sacks of legs.
Mama rolls them in flour and fries then in hot Wesson
oil. Pop says they taste like chicken, but Ill nevet eat
one. The heat makes muscle and sinew contract,
legs start moving a little, then jerk violently,
almost coming out of the pan, like a reptile hung
by prongs, writhing, eyes dialated in terror, willing
to see its own body break in two rather than be caught.

You may still feel the need to tinker, but please not too much.
There are some marvelous passages in there and images.
I could not write this because its not my experience.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 890
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#20 Post by SivaRamanathan » 11 Aug 2018, 13:12

Kenneth
I prefer the prose poem format. That definitely reads better.

S

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad

#21 Post by Kenneth2816 » 11 Aug 2018, 22:51

Frank. Thank you for your generosity. I see edits Ill incorporate in my revision.

Siva, I appreciate it. I think it needs pruning

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised

#22 Post by Kenneth2816 » 25 Aug 2018, 23:31

Revised

BobBradshaw
Posts: 901
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised

#23 Post by BobBradshaw » 27 Aug 2018, 20:47

I admire your ability to create very different characters....

Kenneth2816
Posts: 748
Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17

Re: Gigging on the French Broad. Revised

#24 Post by Kenneth2816 » 28 Aug 2018, 14:19

thank you Bob.

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