Ons Heyhoge

Poets post their works-in-progress here for crit and commentary. We want poets who are serious about getting their work published.
Post Reply
Message
Author
FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Ons Heyhoge

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 25 Jul 2018, 11:22

He lurkes in the dark
frequents the hedgerow
comes out at night to scavenge.
Men say he is furtive,
pig-like in his features,
eats animals alive.

If you should touch him
he is sure to wound
with a spike.
He runs riot when the moon is full,
digs up the lawn, ruts in the open
for any to see.

We don't find him repulsive
we are quite fond of him,
wait for him to arrive
at ten from the bushes
to see him slurp, grunt
and crunch his way through
cat biscuits and drink tea
from a saucer my lady
has put out.

I will make him a hutch,
insulate for warmth,
fill with dry leaves
and sweet smelling wood
shavings for his winter retreat.

We wonder if he knows
we are benign, full
of admiration of his
escapades, ons Heyhoge.

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Ons Heyhoge

#2 Post by SivaRamanathan » 25 Jul 2018, 12:54

Frank
This has come out very well. There are many endearing lines in the poem--


He runs riot when the moon is full,
digs up the lawn, ruts in the open
for any to see.



S

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Ons Heyhoge

#3 Post by BobBradshaw » 25 Jul 2018, 18:08

Another sweet one... lose the last stanza... it isn’t needed... the next to last stanza has a very appealing warmth

SivaRamanathan
Posts: 1168
Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30

Re: Ons Heyhoge

#4 Post by SivaRamanathan » 25 Jul 2018, 18:59

You are right Bob.Astute as ever.

S

Post Reply