Urban Aspirations
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Urban Aspirations
If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
On clear days, they pull the engines
half out of their bays.
The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs-ups me and I nod.
I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.
I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge
It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon.
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
On clear days, they pull the engines
half out of their bays.
The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs-ups me and I nod.
I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.
I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge
It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.
Re: I think I may have it this time
K---
haunting.
knocks me down, again and again.
breathtaking imagery, so original:
If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
great opening.
love this:
I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.
great movement and very visual, and easiy for the reader to follow and yet unexpected and original..
strong, terrific close. very fine poem.
I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.
I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge
It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.
bernie
haunting.
knocks me down, again and again.
breathtaking imagery, so original:
If only for the sake of Tuesday,
I should go out for a walk
with my one trick knee,
laces undone for the edema.
great opening.
love this:
I lay out my morning meds by color:
azure, oyster, salmon,
It is thirty seven light poles
to the fire station.
The meter man wear a safari hat
against the sun, tabulates
this month's abuse of power.
He thumbs ups me and I nod.
great movement and very visual, and easiy for the reader to follow and yet unexpected and original..
strong, terrific close. very fine poem.
I count my strength: two Oxycontin,
a Flexiril , half a Tramadol.
I turn back, overwhelmed by
logistics, but secure in the knowledge
It is twelve light poles
to the liquor store.
bernie
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: I think I may have it this time
You nail it this time... the ending is excellent
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: I think I may have it this time
Bernie, Bob thank you. I don't know about you guys, but I simply cannot write s poem without a workshop.
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: I think I may have it this time
Sometimes it takes a village ...
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- Posts: 1168
- Joined: 14 May 2011, 20:30
Re: I think I may have it this time
Kenneth
Enjoyed reading this poem. I wish you had left the original to make comparisons and learn. Now I must learn to store in word files.
S
Enjoyed reading this poem. I wish you had left the original to make comparisons and learn. Now I must learn to store in word files.
S
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: I think I may have it this time
Thank you. I see others revise in the original post. I've never tried it but will
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- Posts: 2688
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Urban Aspirations
A remarkable piece, and a great close