Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
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Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
V2:
Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Every afternoon Jin Ching lay on a bunk
like a prisoner awaiting a court's decision.
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
documents detailing a villager's daughter
that he could claim as his...
Would the immigration officials
believe she looked like him--
with his moon face?
The inspectors, as poker faced as toads,
longed to trip him up.
Was China one wrong answer away?
He stared at the ceiling, recalling
details of his "daughter",
learned from papers
he had tossed into the sea as his ship
approached San Francisco Bay:
her height, her birthmark
above the cleft in her chin,
her baby's lucky name,
Huan Yue.
Oh, to think he was so close,
that he could dive into the bay's lap
and swim to San Francisco
if only he could reach
the island's edge, seen
from his barrack's barred window.
Would the officials' questions
upend everything, his heart capsizing
like a paper sailboat overwhelmed
by choppy waves?
What was the street his "daughter" lived on,
the name of the grocery
where she bought dumplings
and roast duck?
He looked out the window, the Pacific
squeezed into a corner,
and thought of the Jingwei bird,
how it spent its life trying
to fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak...
If he was sent back to China,
he would cobble money together
and buy another passage, next time
purchasing a paper son.
Surely strangers with hearts
couldn't deny him forever
from becoming American,
anymore than he could fill in
that damn ocean that kept
coming between them
V1:
Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Every afternoon Jin Ching lay on a bunk
like a prisoner awaiting a court's decision.
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
documents detailing a villager's daughter
that he could claim as his...
Would the immigration officials
believe she looked like him--
with his moon face?
The immigration interrogators
could ask anything...
How many bedrooms were there
in her house in San Francisco?
Who slept where? Did she have any dogs?
The inspectors, as poker faced as toads,
longed to trip him up.
Was China one wrong answer away?
He stared at the ceiling, recalling
details of his "daughter",
learned from papers
he had tossed into the sea as his ship
approached San Francisco Bay:
her height, her birthmark
above the cleft in her chin,
her baby's lucky name,
Huan Yue.
Oh, to think he was so close,
that he could dive into the bay's lap
and swim to San Francisco
if only he could reach
the island's edge, seen
from his barrack's barred window.
Would the officials' questions
upend everything, his heart capsizing
like a paper sailboat overwhelmed
by choppy waves?
What was the street his "daughter" lived on,
the name of the grocery
where she bought dumplings
and roast duck?
He looked out the window, the Pacific
squeezed into a corner,
and thought of the Jingwei bird,
how it spent its life trying
to fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak...
If he was sent back to China,
he would cobble money together
and buy another passage, next time
purchasing a paper son.
Surely strangers with hearts
couldn't deny him forever
from becoming American,
anymore than he could fill in
that damn ocean that kept
coming between them
footnote: see link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_Isl ... on_Station
Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Every afternoon Jin Ching lay on a bunk
like a prisoner awaiting a court's decision.
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
documents detailing a villager's daughter
that he could claim as his...
Would the immigration officials
believe she looked like him--
with his moon face?
The inspectors, as poker faced as toads,
longed to trip him up.
Was China one wrong answer away?
He stared at the ceiling, recalling
details of his "daughter",
learned from papers
he had tossed into the sea as his ship
approached San Francisco Bay:
her height, her birthmark
above the cleft in her chin,
her baby's lucky name,
Huan Yue.
Oh, to think he was so close,
that he could dive into the bay's lap
and swim to San Francisco
if only he could reach
the island's edge, seen
from his barrack's barred window.
Would the officials' questions
upend everything, his heart capsizing
like a paper sailboat overwhelmed
by choppy waves?
What was the street his "daughter" lived on,
the name of the grocery
where she bought dumplings
and roast duck?
He looked out the window, the Pacific
squeezed into a corner,
and thought of the Jingwei bird,
how it spent its life trying
to fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak...
If he was sent back to China,
he would cobble money together
and buy another passage, next time
purchasing a paper son.
Surely strangers with hearts
couldn't deny him forever
from becoming American,
anymore than he could fill in
that damn ocean that kept
coming between them
V1:
Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Every afternoon Jin Ching lay on a bunk
like a prisoner awaiting a court's decision.
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
documents detailing a villager's daughter
that he could claim as his...
Would the immigration officials
believe she looked like him--
with his moon face?
The immigration interrogators
could ask anything...
How many bedrooms were there
in her house in San Francisco?
Who slept where? Did she have any dogs?
The inspectors, as poker faced as toads,
longed to trip him up.
Was China one wrong answer away?
He stared at the ceiling, recalling
details of his "daughter",
learned from papers
he had tossed into the sea as his ship
approached San Francisco Bay:
her height, her birthmark
above the cleft in her chin,
her baby's lucky name,
Huan Yue.
Oh, to think he was so close,
that he could dive into the bay's lap
and swim to San Francisco
if only he could reach
the island's edge, seen
from his barrack's barred window.
Would the officials' questions
upend everything, his heart capsizing
like a paper sailboat overwhelmed
by choppy waves?
What was the street his "daughter" lived on,
the name of the grocery
where she bought dumplings
and roast duck?
He looked out the window, the Pacific
squeezed into a corner,
and thought of the Jingwei bird,
how it spent its life trying
to fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak...
If he was sent back to China,
he would cobble money together
and buy another passage, next time
purchasing a paper son.
Surely strangers with hearts
couldn't deny him forever
from becoming American,
anymore than he could fill in
that damn ocean that kept
coming between them
footnote: see link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_Isl ... on_Station
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Bob, this is stellar work. I believe there are some places where an edit might work: fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak into the sea...
Sea is redundant .maybe "fill the sea bu dropping pebbles from its beak.
Im sure youll tinker with it. It's a piece germane to current events as well as snippet of Chinese history. Well done, moving, compelling, original
from its beak into the sea...
Sea is redundant .maybe "fill the sea bu dropping pebbles from its beak.
Im sure youll tinker with it. It's a piece germane to current events as well as snippet of Chinese history. Well done, moving, compelling, original
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Yes, stellar work,
It's difficult to understand at first, then the meaning becomes apparent
and then the poet kicks in and we want to shorten it.
I agree sea is redundant, you will make the necessary
cuts I am sure, places where you repeat the meaning
explaining when we already get the message.
If you want more I will come back.
It's difficult to understand at first, then the meaning becomes apparent
and then the poet kicks in and we want to shorten it.
I agree sea is redundant, you will make the necessary
cuts I am sure, places where you repeat the meaning
explaining when we already get the message.
If you want more I will come back.
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Thanks, guys...I will want your input as I tinker with this...Bob
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
I tweaked the 'sea' line referred to, and added a note about Angel Island's history from Wikipedia....If you see parts you think cut be cut let me know...I'll be looking of course as well..thx
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Nicely written Bob, great story. I like how either the paper daughter or paper son are his vehicle to citizenship, a vehicle that if rejected becomes the folded paper boat that sinks with his dreams.
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Bob, I'm of the opinion the poem carries itself. The Wikipedia article steals from the poem.
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- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Hi Bob; Hi Kenneth;
in lieu of the 2 paragraphs,
footnote at the end of the poem with the Link: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_Isl ... on_Station
Bob, I like poem; it can still maybe tightened.
Hope to return to read closer & share workshop
Michael (MV)
Kenneth2816 wrote:Bob, I'm of the opinion the poem carries itself. The Wikipedia article steals from the poem.
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Kenneth- thank you... appreciate it
Michael, your idea of a footnote is a good one
Michael, your idea of a footnote is a good one
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
In my opinion Bob, this has the potential to be the most important poem I've seen you write.It deserves to
be written. Im sure you'll tweak it
be written. Im sure you'll tweak it
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Bob, there is so much history behind this. 1931 Japan invaded Manchuria ,and over the ensuing years, there was the "Rape of Nanking". Later a Japanese macro biologist bred fleas
infested with bubonic plague in hopes
of creating a genocide. Japan entered the annals of history in the use of the first biochemical weapon in warfare.
The U.S. "Chinese Exclusion Act" of thd 19th century was made permanent policy in 1902. The "paper child" thing was a brilliant side step.
Ive made some in line edits for you to keep or discard as you see fit. I have a huge crush on this poem, believe it necessary.
infested with bubonic plague in hopes
of creating a genocide. Japan entered the annals of history in the use of the first biochemical weapon in warfare.
The U.S. "Chinese Exclusion Act" of thd 19th century was made permanent policy in 1902. The "paper child" thing was a brilliant side step.
Ive made some in line edits for you to keep or discard as you see fit. I have a huge crush on this poem, believe it necessary.
-
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
BobBradshaw wrote:Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Each afternoon Jin Ching lay on a bunk
like a prisoner awaiting a court's decree
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
documents detailing a villager's daughter
that he could claim as his...
Would the immigration officials
believe she looked like him--
with his moon face?
The immigration interrogators
could ask anything...
How many bedrooms were there
in her house in San Francisco?
Who slept where? Did she have any dogs?
The inspectors, as poker faced as toads,
longed to trip him up.
Was China one wrong answer away?
He stared at the ceiling, recalling
details of his "daughter",
learned from papers
he had tossed into the sea as his ship
approached San Francisco Bay:
her height, her birthmark
above the cleft in her chin,
her baby's lucky name,
Huan Yue.
Oh, to think he was so close,
that he could dive into the bay's lap
and swim to San Francisco
if only he could reach
the island's edge, seen
from his barrack's barred window.
Would the officials' questions
upend everything, his heart capsizing
like a paper sailboat overwhelmed
by choppy waves?
What was the street his "daughter" lived on,
the name of the grocery
where she bought dumplings
and roast duck?
He looked out the window, the Pacific
squeezed into a corner,
and thought of the Jingwei bird,
how it spent its life trying
to fill the sea up, dropping pebbles
from its beak...
If he was sent back to China,
he would cobble money together
and book another passage, next time
purchasing a paper son.
Surely strangers with hearts
couldn't deny him forever
from becoming American,
anymore than he could fill in
that damn ocean that kept
coming between them
footnote: see link https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Angel_Isl ... on_Station
-
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
I would ditch couplets. I think they mess up the formatting and dont serve the poem
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Thx, Kenneth...I have tossed the couplets. I couldn’t identify the in-line edits you made... could you point them out? I think I am going blind in my old age! Best, Bob
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- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
Bob, my edit was so trivial, I forget.
The poem reads much better in its current form
The poem reads much better in its current form
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
This is my first choice nom for IBPC
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
He had spent his life savings
acquiring a "paper daughter",
^^ workshop-share as:
His life savings spent
acquiring a "paper daughter",
Also, in accord with passages instead of couplets in this narrative mode
Michael (MV)
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
I have shortened the poem by a few lines
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Re: Chinese Immigrant, Stuck on Angel Island, 1933
The concept is what makes this a great poem
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