Ode to Ties
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Ode to Ties
Ode to Ties
On days like this teenage boys
often give us the finger.
Why? Because we drive slowly?
Or because we boast about our past
as if it were the only casino
in Atlantic City?
For us respect doesn't come
from jeering at the old,
from smoking the biggest toke
or from drinking alcohol
that could leave a liver
spotted like a trout.
We come from a time
when a necktie and a good job
meant something.
When those we looked up to
never went anywhere without them:
Jack Benny, Dick Gregory,
and the Blues Brothers as loyal
to their ties as George Burns
was to his cigar.
Bow ties accompanied us to weddings,
somber blue ties mourned our losses,
gold and silks swung with us in Vegas.
Yet today ties hang sadly
in closets, martyrs to moths
like their peers--the Italian suits,
the tuxedos, the dapper hats.
Who will sing our eulogy
when our last tie is lost?
On days like this teenage boys
often give us the finger.
Why? Because we drive slowly?
Or because we boast about our past
as if it were the only casino
in Atlantic City?
For us respect doesn't come
from jeering at the old,
from smoking the biggest toke
or from drinking alcohol
that could leave a liver
spotted like a trout.
We come from a time
when a necktie and a good job
meant something.
When those we looked up to
never went anywhere without them:
Jack Benny, Dick Gregory,
and the Blues Brothers as loyal
to their ties as George Burns
was to his cigar.
Bow ties accompanied us to weddings,
somber blue ties mourned our losses,
gold and silks swung with us in Vegas.
Yet today ties hang sadly
in closets, martyrs to moths
like their peers--the Italian suits,
the tuxedos, the dapper hats.
Who will sing our eulogy
when our last tie is lost?
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- Posts: 1619
- Joined: 01 Jun 2008, 09:17
Re: Ode to Ties
Technically a good poem and good concept.
Our best ties accompanied us to weddings,
respectful ties mourned our losses,
flashy ties swung with us in Vegas.
Here I might give the color of a tie, striped or solid, etc.instead of using
"best" "respectful" "flashy". Show don't tell. Give a visual.
Our best ties accompanied us to weddings,
respectful ties mourned our losses,
flashy ties swung with us in Vegas.
Here I might give the color of a tie, striped or solid, etc.instead of using
"best" "respectful" "flashy". Show don't tell. Give a visual.
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- Posts: 1988
- Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
- Location: Between the mountains and the sea
Re: Ode to Ties
Yes, there was an age of ties,
I remember meeting a rep, and he had tiny flowers on his tie
sewn on, and I thought how daring this guy must be.
Liked it, Ken made some valid comments.
I remember meeting a rep, and he had tiny flowers on his tie
sewn on, and I thought how daring this guy must be.
Liked it, Ken made some valid comments.
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Ode to Ties
Thanks, guys...I have tweaked the lines you referred to....
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Ode to Ties
Hi Bob,
à la Neruda's elemental odes
and ties are as elemental as original sin
This poem narrates with the voice of George Burns, and that's how & why the extended intro succeeds in engaging the reader
yet workshop consider some streamlining:
On days like this youngbloods
often give us the finger.
Because we drive slowly?
Because we boast about our past
as if it were the only casino
in Atlantic City? (btw, a fav - George would like it too)
For us respect doesn't come
from jeering at the old,
from smoking the biggest toke
or drinking alcohol
that could leave a liver
spotted like a trout. (and another fav à la Burns)
Then the roster of old-school icons grom the "age of ties" brings character, making the memory vivid, esp George & his cigars
Strategic use of rhetorical question-couplet, bringing the good-humored nostalgic poem to a profound finale,
while this outro also circles/links back to the questions in the intro
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 2154
- Joined: 18 Apr 2005, 04:57
Re: Ode to Ties
chiming in --
Bow ties accompanied us to weddings,
somber blue ties mourned our losses,
the gold and silks swung with us in Vegas
^^ so as not to repeat "ties" a 3rd time
in the spirit of workshop-share
Michael (MV)
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- Posts: 2692
- Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03
Re: Ode to Ties
Thanks, Michael...I like your suggestions...I'll fold them in when I have some time...Bob