Wooden Hut - removed for Publication

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FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Wooden Hut - removed for Publication

#1 Post by FranktheFrank » 03 Nov 2018, 13:29

removed for Publication

BobBradshaw
Posts: 2683
Joined: 03 Jun 2016, 21:03

Re: Tribute of a Wooden Hut

#2 Post by BobBradshaw » 06 Nov 2018, 10:07

I like the style you're developing, mixing in local slang....love the cockney her-indoors...the stanza is hilarious. I would move the third stanza up as the second stanza...the flow of the Vernon theme would improve. I especially like the next to last stanza...the writing is so good....I think you need a question mark at the end of the poem....I don't know the references in the first stanza...so I won't comment on it...someone else will know.
Overall, a lovely read....so glad you wrote it.

Love these lines:

They would sit, drink bitter, and listen
to the sounds of the marsh, to the music
of the sedge warbler's call,

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: Tribute of a Wooden Hut

#3 Post by FranktheFrank » 06 Nov 2018, 15:42

Thanks Bob,

capricorn
Posts: 382
Joined: 21 Sep 2017, 23:23

Re: From his Wooden Hut - V3

#4 Post by capricorn » 17 Nov 2018, 01:33

You have a great story telling ability, Frank. This one is filed with beautiful imagery. I also love the local slang which makes this quite original. I feel I am in the poem as I read. So many lines to like. The lemon washed boathouse just drew me in.


Eira

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: From his Wooden Hut - V3

#5 Post by FranktheFrank » 18 Nov 2018, 13:52

Ta Eira, glad you enjoyed.

IndianaDP
Posts: 181
Joined: 24 Mar 2018, 16:53

Re: From the Wooden Hut - V3

#6 Post by IndianaDP » 26 Nov 2018, 18:00

Beautifullly written Frank. I ditto the accolades of others then add a bravo for the final stanza.

FranktheFrank
Posts: 1983
Joined: 02 Mar 2016, 18:07
Location: Between the mountains and the sea

Re: From the Wooden Hut - V3

#7 Post by FranktheFrank » 29 Nov 2018, 23:44

Thanks Dale, high praise indeed.

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